• Replies 3 replies
  • Subscribers 79 subscribers
  • Views 936 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Autistic demand avoidance, inertia and work

NAS75914

I am an undiagnosed adult with a strong suspicion that I have a demand avoidant autism profile. Around 18 month ago I applied for and, to my surprise, was offered a promotion at work. At the time I was facing an increase to the cost of living and I needed the extra money. 

Long story short the job turned out to be a lot more taxing than I had anticipated. It is a role that involves heavy social skills and involves navigating body language, tone of voice, whether someone is telling the truth or not. All things I struggle with. After 3 months my sciatica flared up and I was off work for 2 months. I returned and my line manager left, and a new department lead brought in (chaos). Shortly after this I had a severe bout of what can only be described as autistic burnout - I ended up signed off work and on depressants.

I went back again and within 4 months my sciatica flared up. A pattern was beginning to emerge - when the demands of my job increased my mental health and physical health all nosedived. I am now actively avoiding the portion of the work that causes me the anxiety, but this is leading to issues with work as I am falling behind. I know by how much, and I know what I need to do to resolve it but I am physically unable to do so. My whole body shuts down and then I am unable to complete the portion of the job that plays to my strengths. 

Work has offered me a more suitable role, but I am expected to continue with my current responsibilities. I have tried to explain exactly what I am going through but I am seemingly unable to articulate to my line managers precisely what they can do to support. Has anyone else been in a similar situation and able to offer advice? How can I negotiate the part of the job that I lack the inertia to engage with?

My referral is in, 12 months in to a waiting list an now trying the right to chose option. 

  • Hi,

    I'm not sure I can offer any good advice but I can somewhat relate.  I had a promotion around 18 months ago and am expected to do a lot more networking, negotiating, persuading, people management, that sort of thing.  All these things are exhausting to me and very stress-inducing.  I've always accepted any promotions suggested to me and I do sometimes feel like I want a new challenge so it's not entirely like I don't want them.  I have discussed possible autism (I'm on a 2 year waiting list currently) confidentially with the disability and neurodivergence team at work but not with my line manager. 

    They have given me a list of potential 'reasonable adjustments' that I could request regardless of a diagnosis. If I do want anything, at this point I would just say that it would be beneficial for my mental health which I'm quite open about rather than autism which I don't feel ready to discuss with my manager or team.

    I don't know your work set up and I know I'm lucky as I work for a huge employer which is extremely focused on staff wellbeing but if you can ask for help like mentoring without having to go into too much detail about your medical history etc then I would recommend that.

    One specific suggestion was that I self-refer to 'access to work' which is a government scheme set up to support people with physical or mental health conditions or disabilities to stay in work. I haven't done it and I don't know if I will but it's an option.

    I hope things get better soon.

    Jay

  • in reply to Deleted User

    Thanks for your reply. I wish I had seen it before I spoke to my line manager. Everything you said rings true. 

    Just waiting on the assessment and hopeful diagnosis so I can start answering some of the questions that won't go away from my head. Even if I do not get a diagnosis at least I can move on and pursue answers elsewhere. It is the waiting that is the frustration.

  • Hmmmm.

    Good morning 75914, I am Number.

    NAS75914 said:
    How can I negotiate the part of the job that I lack the inertia to engage with?

    I think this quote from your writing above is the essence of your current challenge - and it is wholly an employment matter.  Accordingly, I would keep the matter firmly within the boundaries of your contract and working conditions.

    Personally, I would not start flinging around "demand avoidance" terminology with your employer, nor (to be perfectly honest) would I even start flinging around terms like Autism at this juncture.

    You will find many threads in the archive on this site about employment matters and whether one should disclose to an employer.  I heartily recommend that you do a review of peoples comments from the recent and distant past on this topic.  Many people from these pages seem to advise extreme caution (or simply say don't) when it comes to discussing/disclosing their autism to their employer.  Trying to articulate your needs and struggles to others is very hard at the best of times.....but virtually impossible when you haven't come to a proper understanding of what the bleeding hell is even going on in one's own head!

    Needless to say, the above and following comments are just my opinions - no more than that.

    FYI - "Demand avoidance" terminology and its very existence is fraught with dismissive and disbelieving attitudes - even within the autism and ADHD micro communities.  It has taken me personally, a bit of time to come to terms with this fact.......because I exhibit a pathological and inexplicable "block" to my activities from time to time.....my "blocks" affects things that I dearly want to do AND things that most people would put down to laziness or overwhelm AND things that I could easily do, but belligerently (and ferociously) resist doing for no evident reasons - and often with extremely self-damaging results.  It is a very self-destructive and damaging behavioural profile........which apparently, doesn't exist ?!  Go figure !

    Welcome to the weird and wonderful world of integrating yourself, the world and the "autism thing" into real life.  It ain't easy.

    Whilst the above comments might all read as being a bit bleak......I can assure you that, in my case at least, discovering and then accepting that I am autistic has been profoundly important to my life and my being.  I would urge you not to abandon your own efforts in the same regard.....just be aware that very little practically changes - it's just how you feel in your head that changes - and from that, I am now starting to evolve again into something better (God willing!)

    I wish you good luck with your employer.

    Kind regards

    Number.