Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone
I am 57 and have been to see my GP about getting an autism assessment. I have known all my life that I dont fit in and that I struggle to do a lot of things that other people find easy and enjoyable. My father died 2 years ago and since his death I have been able to think more clearly about who I am
I have wanted to ask for an assessment for over 10 years but I have been scared to do this as didnt want to cause disruption to the people in my life and also I felt anxious about getting a diagnosis as feel it might be too late to address some of the problems that have caused me so many difficulties in my life
I have also recently ended an abusive relationship and to be honest, most of the relationships I have had have been abusive, I am really bad at realising when people are not good for me and I believe men when they say they love me even though their actions dont seem loving at all
I just want to try and understand myself. I have done lots of autism assessments online and they always come back as showing high level of autism but I just assumed they werent very accurate. I work full time and I am a successful contemporary artist but everything is a huge struggle and I have had many episodes of really bad anxiety and depression and live with a lot of pain. I am really bad at relationships and friendships and only really feel at ease when I am alone but I do feel lonely sometimes and wish I could be more like other people
Is it too late to get an assessment and possibly a diagnosis
Thanks for reading this
It is never too late, 86677, I repeat, it is never too late. I was assessed / dignosed ASD aged 67. I've met quite a few others on this forum since then who were also diagnosed in their fifties and sixties. I'd felt sure I was on the spectrum after doing my own research in the preceeding couple of years, but needed to hear it from a professional, so went ahead.
I've always been 'different' from others and found socialising puzzling and exhausting. I've had numerous diagnoses of anxiety disorder and had to deal with 'addiction by prescription' more than once. Then there are the breakdowns and childhood tantrums to consider, they apparently were 'meltdowns', who knew ? Recently, and not for the first-time, I retreated into the house, drew the curtains, swiched off the telephone and took an essential break from everything and everybody for a few weeks. That was either a 'shutdown' or 'burnout'.... and believe me, it feels much better when you know it has a name and is, like meltdown, a recognised thing.
Then we come to masking, I've been doing that all my life, and what a relief to know that others do it. I'm not alone in my behaviour!
So, hooray! Puzzles from the past unravell at last as I become enlightened to my own reality, my identity; however, I think I still have much to learn so shall carry on reading and interacting on this forum.
Wishing you well.
I am Ben
I relate to these comments Ben. I agree that realising these things are a common experience for autistic people really helps. Autistic people have many common experiences and challenges and that’s really helpful and encouraging to know. As I’ve learnt more about being autistic I’ve felt less alone and feel so much solidarity with other autistic people. I’ve felt better about myself too. For much of my life I felt like such a failure because I found some things so difficult and didn’t really know why. Now I have many of the answers to those questions. I feel more accepting of myself, and more forgiving of myself. I feel even more positive about the strengths I have due to being autistic too - and have learned to recognise that more and give myself credit for the things I have achieved despite finding many areas of life very challenging. Life still isn’t exactly easy for me, but I feel I my increased understanding helps me to tackle the challenges I face.
Kate, I relate to your comments too, it's all about understanding and accepting.
There are many on this forum experiencing the same as you and I after their diagnosis or assessment, and I find that most reassuring.
All the best,
Ben