Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone
I am 57 and have been to see my GP about getting an autism assessment. I have known all my life that I dont fit in and that I struggle to do a lot of things that other people find easy and enjoyable. My father died 2 years ago and since his death I have been able to think more clearly about who I am
I have wanted to ask for an assessment for over 10 years but I have been scared to do this as didnt want to cause disruption to the people in my life and also I felt anxious about getting a diagnosis as feel it might be too late to address some of the problems that have caused me so many difficulties in my life
I have also recently ended an abusive relationship and to be honest, most of the relationships I have had have been abusive, I am really bad at realising when people are not good for me and I believe men when they say they love me even though their actions dont seem loving at all
I just want to try and understand myself. I have done lots of autism assessments online and they always come back as showing high level of autism but I just assumed they werent very accurate. I work full time and I am a successful contemporary artist but everything is a huge struggle and I have had many episodes of really bad anxiety and depression and live with a lot of pain. I am really bad at relationships and friendships and only really feel at ease when I am alone but I do feel lonely sometimes and wish I could be more like other people
Is it too late to get an assessment and possibly a diagnosis
Thanks for reading this
NAS86677 said:I have also recently ended an abusive relationship and to be honest, most of the relationships I have had have been abusive, I am really bad at realising when people are not good for me and I believe men when they say they love me even though their actions dont seem loving at all
That sounds exactly like me! I'm 41m, never married, and realized all of my adult relationships have been abusive when I saw a therapist that specializes in those relationships because I just couldn't figure out why they kept happening. My personal opinion is that we are easy to manipulate by abusers. They are predatory and hunting for someone to take advantage of, so when they see that we just believe what they say and treat them with honesty, kindness, understanding, and compassion, they think they've hit the lottery. In an abuser's mentality, you're saying you're okay with it because you put up with it when they absolutely wouldn't. Something I learned through therapy was the acronym ABB: always believe behavior. If someone says they love you, but they repeatedly commit behaviors that hurt you, despite their excuses, they don't love you because people that love you would prioritize not hurting you and make extra special efforts to avoid that since it would hurt them to know they hurt you. Once is a mistake. Twice is a concern. Three times is a pattern. So, if someone does the same thing three times after you've already asked them to stop, they are not going to stop.
It makes me so sad to hear about autistic people being in abusive relationships. My advice would be to date other autistic people as I think that can work so well. My husband doesn’t have a diagnosis but he has many autistic traits and we truly understand each other and can relate to each other so well.