Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there I'm new. I was diagnosed with adult combined adhd last year. More recently and as my adhd meds have started working and I've been unmasking more I've become more aware of traits that aren't really explained by ADHD.
I've had a few people comment they think I might be autistic who are also thinking that for themselves and seeking diagnosis. As I followed a lot of adhd and ND accounts I was seeing a lot of things that fit how I feel but are described as Autism not ADHD.
I did a few online tests and then when I had an appointment with my psychiatrist on Tuesday I asked her if I should get an assessment. She sent me a screening test to Complete and said I showed significant signs of being autistic and would write to my GP to refer me.
So. I have told my best friend. My sister. Work (as they are giving me reasonable adjustments for adhd and I have help from access to work).
But not my husband. The reason being that since I've become more aware of autism I am pretty sure he may be autistic (possibly also adhd) too. He was pretty dismissive when I told him I was getting referred for adhd.
When I mentioned to my sister a few months ago "I think husband might be autistic". She looked at me and said "er yeah he definitely is". Her ex husband is autistic and had picked up on things from my husband.
It would certainly explain a lot. And a lot for me too.
So how do I tell my husband I am being referred for assessment but also I think he'd benefit from an assessment too? I don't think he even realises himself, and has been masking his whole life, especially at work where he is calm and professional. Meeting people outside of work he appears rude and even I feel like he's rude and blunt with me but since becoming aware I'm giving him more leeway and trying not to get upset when he's like it with me, because I know I can appear the same.
Well done if you got to the end of that, over explainer, moi?
An update.
After making the decision (well, asking a pair of dice to decide for me )
I sent my husband a long WhatsApp. Here is the text in case it helps anyone else with this:
Hi (husband) when I had my ADHD medication review last week, the psychiatrist gave me a screening test for Autism and I scored quite high. So she's written to my GP to request I be referred for an Autism Assessment.Apparently taking ADHD meds can make autistic traits in a person become more obvious and I've been thinking this about myself for a while but didn't know how to tell you, because I'm an awkward potato.
The screening test I took ispsychology-tools.com/.../autism-spectrum-quotientIt'd make sense then why combined with ADHD I struggle so much with some things. Like not knowing how much time has passed. Needing to be told what the days plans are so I can plan when to get ready but also running out of time almost immediately because I don't know when to start getting ready, what to do first and then I forget things.I get over stimulated in busy places, ie shops and this is why I tend to be more argumentative when we go out, because my stress level is already on high alert from the environment, bright lights and noise. Could also explain why I don't enjoy gigs very much unless I have my earplugs in. This could also be why i can lose hours to playing with the fimo or painting or whatever my main focus is at that time. I forget to eat and drink and go to the toilet when I'm in that focus zone. But I can't choose what I focus on, it chooses me.Sorry for rambling but it's easier to say on a message than out loud, I can't forget what I'm talking about or get distracted. Love you xxx
We haven't spoken out loud about it yet, but he messaged back "love you too x"
No, I'm dyslexic, have Irlen's and am a synesthete- all also common bedfellows to autism, but no ADHD.
I think passing him an AQ50 and seeing if he wants to fill it out is a good idea.
Funnily enough my mates did one "in sympathy" so to speak with me. Most of them scored as low as 3 ( defo not). One we've often thought is autistic, we think his son also is and his grandson IS diagnosed, scored 30...hmmm...he's half in denial, half struggling with the possibility...in his own time, if he needs it. We love him regardless, lol
I self identified as autistic in 2020 and have just had my pre-diagnostic which confirms it; I realised I probably had ADHD as well I think it was last year, and my pre-diagnostic also agreed that I do, but I don't have a diagnosis.
Yes @dawn I think that's most likely and my psych said this when I was being diagnosed with the adhd.
I'll leave it until I have spoke til the GP I think.
I've literally only just found this out this week. Do you have adhd too?
I think what I'll do is give him a blank AQ test like the one I've filled in for the GP when I say I've been referred. Or I might text him the link and let him do it himself.
Maybe.
Well, it wouldn't be unusual if you both turn out to be autistic. Though we are a tiny minority we do have a knack of finding eachother in this life. Like attracts like. I suspect my ex husband is autistic too and I only wish I'd known both my truth and his much sooner.
I guess all you can do is ask him whether he thinks any of the autistic characteristics fit him at all and see how he responds. It's up to him in the end whether he wants to entertain the idea. Even if he does, he may not wish to go through an assessment.
Whether he wants to investigate that or not you are in a better position for recognising your own autism and his. It means you can work around any issues with an autism informed approach, even if he doesn't recognise that the approach that's working is such.
You're probably aware that taking ADHD meds can bring out any autistic traits. Has your husband appreciated any improvement in your functioning from the meds, or seen that knowing your brain better has helped you be more content and cope better with life? If so then he might be a bit more open to the conversation. Can you encourage him to take an online autism test? Maybe if you both take it together? Or try to find just the right youtube video to watch together, or for him to watch privately if that suits him better? If it was by someone he might find relatable he might take it better. Or an article if he's more of a reader.
Oh and hello and welcome!