How do we deal with being insulted?

In the same conversation he said "when you work for me"...and I said "I don't work 'for' anyone but me, I only work 'with' people, not 'for' them". When I work 'with' people, I give them my all; when I work 'for' people, I feel like a slave.

In a recent conversation with a prospective employer, he asked "How much do you want per hour because I don't want to insult you and I replied "you won't insult me, though you might make me laugh".

Even before I was verified autistic, I would think to myself "it's not my intelligence you are insulting..."!
You can guess the rest.

I actually thought you to be pretty thick skinned like myself already, so perhaps you'll understand me when I say people have tried to insult me but that doesn't mean I am insulted, as that has always implied to me that means it has caused some manner of hurt which requires that I care at least somewhat on a personal level what a person thinks of me, which I seldom do, so what instead tends to happen when someone tries to insult me is the objection is purely on a matter of principle: just because it's difficult for someone to hurt my feelings doesn't mean it is morally acceptable that they should feel entitled to try to, especially unprovoked.

I've experienced many vile people over the years from childhood to adulthood. For some reason I freeze not knowing what to say which sometimes makes me upset and/ frustrated. Its only sometime after the incident has happened that my brain starts working again and I start to over analyse what I should have said and replaying it on a loop.

Apologies for going on a tangent... My mother never had an engagement ring either, for the same reason as your mother. Also, my dad never had a wedding ring. Again, due to not being able to afford one.

If it's face-to-face, it very much depends on what kind of mood I'm in, what kind of mood I think the other person is in, how well I know the person, and also what has been said.

Sometimes I might be inwardly seething, but will choose not to make an issue out of it. Alternatively, I might snap back at the person, or else try to calmly explain how an insult has caused me to feel.

If someone insults me I just blank them.

If people aren't nice then they aren't worth my time or worry.

Nice people will usually get a smile from me. I struggle with words.

Thank you.

A few choice words and gestures usually puts people in their place. I don't take being insulted lightly. I used to but then that just made me a doormat and people kept walking, now I'm left alone by such people usually.

There is also the question of intention.

Some people (autistic sometimes) just say what they think and don't actually intend to offend, but do.

My mum was a prime example.

She would just speak her mind with no filter.

So, my sister once told her that she had painted her lounge walls grey.

Mum's reply was:

'That will match your grey hair and your grey face'.

Another example.

I had just got engaged and showed my mum my engagement ring.

Her words were (1st words, no congratulations).

'You've got the ring that I wanted!'.

Apparently, 60 years earlier, my dad hadn't been able to afford to buy her an engagement ring she desired.

So, if someone doesn't intend to offend you there are 2 issues I can see:

1.  Do you recognise that there isn't intent and if there isn't intent

2.  Do you need to respond in kind?

It's hard to remember, but I probably took insults to heart when I was younger. Nowadays, I just brush them off with a smile. I feel sorry for the person who is giving out the insult because it must be horrible to have such a nasty mind.  

Butterbean was/is a boxer who caught my eye. He's a bit of a monster...

If course this happens to me in case I'm not triggered too badly into a meltdown, but only romantic partners can trigger something big like that. Unfortunately, those whom I loved the most were those who saw the worst parts of me 

It's smart to prepare in advance for such situations but unfortunately, I feel like one can't be prepared enough for them. I usually start with feeling how it feels in my body or try to, then I try to ask myself "what would be fair to me now?", Then I try to get what I think is fair to me or what I think that I need at the moment.

It might be a moment alone to realise what's going on, because usually the surprise of it takes my focus away. It could be to just leave and never see that person again after telling them "this was insulting to me". I think that I have never insulated a person back in my life, I have never shouted or raised a voice. Although, when I think about it, it seems very satisfying, but it's not in my nature. I honestly freak out and feel the pressure building up and the blood pumping and the tears approaching and the need to run away. 

I don't understand people tbh so not really sure when I've been insulted. If I realise it I just carry on and brush it off or I'd get really frustrated and annoyed.

That's brill! :) 

Sometimes though the insults can be subtle and amusing.

A friend of mine once told a 'friend' that his paper lantern light shades in his house were :

'a cheap way of making the house look good' and the 'friend' responded with:

'no, they are a good way of making the house look cheap'.

I'm confused briefly, as I absorb and process what's been said. I think about replying but feel it's a waste of my good time and energy so just get on with my day and try to forget them.

I think you must be talking about face to face comments rather than online?

So, with regard to that, I probably won't realise I've been insulted until afterwards, but if I do realise and I get genuinely annoyed my tongue will run away with me and I will be quite verbally sharp in return.

Usually though it will hit me about 2 hours later, what the person actually meant.

Regarding online, that's different and I'll just calmly respond (usually).

I do like to be logical, calm and not aggressive in my replies, where I can manage it.

I Sperg said:

after much training and dedication I grew to be the "Butterbean" of insult exchangers

I don't understand this 'Butterbean' reference.

Please explain.

Thanks.