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Anyone else like me?

Rhona W

Hello,

I'm a 25 female from Scotland, UK. I was diagnosed with autism when I was 3/4 years old. Until I was around 9 I never knew that I had it. When I was told by my Mum, she never really explained it to me as she didn't want me to overthink what that meant. She said she wanted me to have a pretty normal life, which to be fair, I have had. I've gone to a few groups before and when I say that I'm autistic, they tell me how great I am because I've gone to university, I pay for a mortgage etc but I just don't really understand why that's great? Like, I was always told that's just what you do!

Throughout my life, I have noticed that I have never really had a group of friends for a long time. They just end up telling me they don't like me because I'm different. But I never knew what that meant. Until the past year or so, I just kind of refused to tell people I have autism because whenever I did, it always ended up badly and people not wanting to talk to me anymore. Where I work, people don't really treat me that great and don't invite me to things because of my autism, they say I wouldn't enjoy it as they know other autistic people - kids under 15. So I've not really looked into how or why or what really is autism because I've got it in my head that no matter what, nobody will really like me because of it. 

So yeah! I was just wondering if anyone else has felt like this at all? And if I need to know anything as I really don't know anything about autism. I've tried talking to my GP but they just say that you can't tell that I'm autistic so you don't need to worry about it. 

Hope to get to know others like me who really have no clue what's going on but feel like no matter what, you can't do right for doing wrong!

- Rhona :)

Parents

  • Hi Rhona,

    I was a bit like you in that my mother was very keen on me having a 'normal upbringing' despite obvious differences but in my case I wasn't diagnosed until I was 20. 

    I'm getting two main topics from your post. One is that you don't really feel you have ever learnt about the autism you have. Your GP doesn't seem to have been terribly helpful on that front but this website is a good place to start, there are also lots of autism YouTube channels out there if they are of interest to you, which I'm sure someone else be prepared to post a link to. 

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance This is a good place to start on this website, it'll also have some advice for some specific problems should you need it. 

    This forum is also a great place to discuss or ask about all aspects of autism, both the good and the difficult. As you might have seen there is currently a discussion taking place on food aversions, and also one on people's favourite stims. Whatever you may wish to talk about, someone will want to give you some kind of answer. 

    If you want one of us to give a general overview of what an autism diagnosis means/the criteria, just ask and I'll be happy to do so.

    The other main theme I'm getting from your post is that you've been having social difficulties (something many of us on here can relate to) and you're interested in finding ways to support/change this. It also seems like a big issue you're having is that the people around you don't have a great understanding of autism either. Autism is a huge spectrum, while some (like me) may not want to go to every work social that's happening, others, like maybe you, find that actually that's an environment that can suit you. 

    I'd suggest educating yourself is a good start, if only so you can correct them on their assumptions. If you're interested in exploring about exactly what your autism means for you maybe counselling, online or in person, might be a way to go. Some autism services offer this, it depends entirely what is available in your locality. 

    Then the other side of it is that autism absolutely isn't something that purely makes you unlikeable, but it's worth finding people who are accepting. My main success has been with finding friends who are also autistic, comically entirely accidentally for most of my childhood. That's not to say they're my only friends, but my closest friends are,

    For those that aren't I find it is useful for me to tell them things like 'I'm not great at facial expressions, I may struggle with eye contact, if you want something to happen I need you to be explicit because I'm very bad at picking up hints, I might go into a massive infodump if you ask me a question about a topic I know stuff about, tell me to shut up if you need to' etc. That way they know I'm not deliberately being mean or cruel or ignoring them because I've taken some time out, but that it's just a difference in how my brain works. 

    I'm always loath to say find new friends, because we all know it isn't that simple, but if online friends are a good start welcome to here. If you're interested in something in person, look around, there are often good activity based clubs which I find a great place to start finding people

    I hope some of that was of use, If you have any more questions just ask them and I'm sure one of us will get on it. I hope you enjoy your new journey of self discovery

Reply

  • Hi Rhona,

    I was a bit like you in that my mother was very keen on me having a 'normal upbringing' despite obvious differences but in my case I wasn't diagnosed until I was 20. 

    I'm getting two main topics from your post. One is that you don't really feel you have ever learnt about the autism you have. Your GP doesn't seem to have been terribly helpful on that front but this website is a good place to start, there are also lots of autism YouTube channels out there if they are of interest to you, which I'm sure someone else be prepared to post a link to. 

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance This is a good place to start on this website, it'll also have some advice for some specific problems should you need it. 

    This forum is also a great place to discuss or ask about all aspects of autism, both the good and the difficult. As you might have seen there is currently a discussion taking place on food aversions, and also one on people's favourite stims. Whatever you may wish to talk about, someone will want to give you some kind of answer. 

    If you want one of us to give a general overview of what an autism diagnosis means/the criteria, just ask and I'll be happy to do so.

    The other main theme I'm getting from your post is that you've been having social difficulties (something many of us on here can relate to) and you're interested in finding ways to support/change this. It also seems like a big issue you're having is that the people around you don't have a great understanding of autism either. Autism is a huge spectrum, while some (like me) may not want to go to every work social that's happening, others, like maybe you, find that actually that's an environment that can suit you. 

    I'd suggest educating yourself is a good start, if only so you can correct them on their assumptions. If you're interested in exploring about exactly what your autism means for you maybe counselling, online or in person, might be a way to go. Some autism services offer this, it depends entirely what is available in your locality. 

    Then the other side of it is that autism absolutely isn't something that purely makes you unlikeable, but it's worth finding people who are accepting. My main success has been with finding friends who are also autistic, comically entirely accidentally for most of my childhood. That's not to say they're my only friends, but my closest friends are,

    For those that aren't I find it is useful for me to tell them things like 'I'm not great at facial expressions, I may struggle with eye contact, if you want something to happen I need you to be explicit because I'm very bad at picking up hints, I might go into a massive infodump if you ask me a question about a topic I know stuff about, tell me to shut up if you need to' etc. That way they know I'm not deliberately being mean or cruel or ignoring them because I've taken some time out, but that it's just a difference in how my brain works. 

    I'm always loath to say find new friends, because we all know it isn't that simple, but if online friends are a good start welcome to here. If you're interested in something in person, look around, there are often good activity based clubs which I find a great place to start finding people

    I hope some of that was of use, If you have any more questions just ask them and I'm sure one of us will get on it. I hope you enjoy your new journey of self discovery

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