Published on 12, July, 2020
I’m late Diagnosed Female I started a friendship nearly 2 years ago pretty much solely online as we live in different parts of the UK. He grew up with some of my cousins abroad which is how we came to be in contact and we’ve been exchanging messages back and forth, since then we always check in with each other every week or so, I’m fairly sure he’s Autistic though he never told me he’s autistic he initially had it in his bio but removed it shortly after we added each others socials, so about 3 weeks ago I decided to tell him I’m Autistic because I was hoping we could talk about ish you know (we have had deep conversations on other topics in the past based on mental health so it’s not like we’re not acquainted to these types of conversations) so I slipped it into a conversation we was having and I haven’t heard from him since like nothing at all and I’m so confused does anyone have any advice
UPDATE
Seems Astrid and Kitty where right he did have something happen I’m not sure what he didn’t really reply to anything I had sent previously he just apologised for being absent which makes me think he perhaps isn’t comfortable with his own Autism.
I am unable to maintain relationships, the complexity increases over time and I just can manage to 'calculate all the variables'.
People share things about their lives and their family and other stuff. I simply cannot keep things aligned when I can't. for example, remember anyones name.
Because of this, I end up withdrawing from every relationship. I am sorry if that is what happened to you with your friend.
What more could you possibly want, It's more than enough. If someone has a lot of friends , how many of them are true friends . I think you've found the right person and your fur baby.
I have tried to use the internet to make friends , I ended up going down a dark path but I'm really pleased you've made friends there too .
Thanks! Like I said to Ann, the best support I've had is from 5 people I met online through Instagram way before I got cancer. I only have my boyfriend (and cat) present in my life as support. However, with all of them as support, it helps a lot
That's a good person who actually helped you.
I've had a similar experience - 5 people I met online through Instagram 5 years ago continue to correspond with me. They've been great, regular support during my cancer experience.
You're welcome. I saw some of your posts while I've been browsing the different topics and I'm glad you have people around you . I think that is the most important thing is having people around you you're comfortable with .
But you are absolutely right and it applies to any situation. Keeping busy and trying to be positive . I wish you the best
You're not intruding at all - I appreciate you asking. I had surgery and radiation therapy and now I'm on a cancer drug for a total of five years, with unpleasant side effects. Hopefully, it won't come back or be found elsewhere in the body. Now I know what they mean by "living with cancer" - it doesn't mean I'm cured since it can come back at any time. All I can do is keep busy and hope for the best. Thanks again for asking me.
Not to intrude . Are you okay, Kitty ? regarding the Cancer ?
I think you feel it more when someone does that . My Ex neighbour has been like that , sometimes he will take me out for a drive and just talk to me . The sad thing is I don't know what I could ever do to repay him. It's not ' You scratch my back , I scratch yours ' shouldn't it be just people helping people for the sake of just helping someone without reward or ego
But I’ve also been surprised by people stepping up to help that I didn’t know that well yet. This happened to me recently I really needed some help and I was sure one friend would help but he completely let me down and unexpectedly an acquaintance (but now definitely counts as friend) offered to help and stepped in and helped so so much.
I’m sorry to hear this but sadly I’m not surprised- in times of trouble you can tell who the real friends are - it’s sad but i’ve also experienced that people just drop you when you have a problem/ are not doing well.
Why, Why , Why ??? Isn't that the most important time to support someone when they have an illness ? My Father died with Cancer and I was by his side until the end . You are still the same person , you just have an illness or a condition or whatever it might be ... i don't get it . Are they friends ? that term seems very overly used , I think you have to earn that title and it should be VERY difficult to attain ,with lots of tests and maybe an assault course or two.
Excellent observations and advice. I too am baffled by "friends" who just drop you. I had 8 who stopped contacting me while I started battling cancer. True story.
Hello,
I'm not sure I understand why he would stop talking to you because you've confided in him you're Autistic . What difference would it make ? you're still the same person, you'd still talk and communicate the same way. This seems to be an issue on his side of things . Do you know someone that knows him that you can talk too ? maybe they would have more information or he's said something to them .
If he has Social Media has it been recently updated and what kind of activity has taken place there , that might give you some clues. This is what I find very unsettling about people , how they can just throw you to one side and stop talking to you . Personally , the most important person is you and you do have to think of yourself and protect your feelings and emotions.
I guess that’s possible it just really threw me I guess maybe I let my expectations on how I thought this would go wander a little too far haha
I don't know if this is relevant, but you said that you think he's Autistic and he removed it from his bio after you added each other. Is it possible that he doesn't want to address his own Autism, so he doesn't want to acknowledge your declaration of being Autistic? This helps him avoid the reality his own Autism - after all, he did remove it from his bio.
Perhaps I'm over-analysing things but I thought I'd just raise a few issues to consider, even if it's just to rule them out.
Oh. Well, when I'm in a situation like this I just wait and hope that one day I'll hear from the person again
I did reach out to him again about a week ago but he still didn’t reply I just find it so odd as I’m normally his go to person when something has happened. I don’t want to press him too much as I don’t want to be annoying and I also have a horrendous friendship streak so I’m trying not to send him packing lol
I have thought of of quite a few of these things he did mention that he was having some trouble with a project he is working on which is why I didn’t think much of it to start with and he has said many times he isn’t great at replying sometimes which I completely understand I did reach out to him again about a week ago but he still didn’t reply I just find it so odd as I’m normally his go to person when something has happened. I don’t want to press him too much as I don’t want to be annoying and I also have a horrendous friendship streak so I’m trying not to send him packing lol
Oops. Well, maybe try to reach out for him just to make sure that he's ok. If he is ok and still not ready to talk then maybe give it as much time as it takes.
I am an expert in dealing with people disappearing from my life for no apparent reason to me.
Gosh, there could be many reasons why he has not been in touch.
Something in his personal life could of happened.
Maybe he had an autistic meltdown.
Maybe send him a message asking him if he is okay, it has been a 2 year friendship .
Hope your friend gets back to you in time, but he might have had some upsetting things happen or an illness or something.
Give him a bit of time.