Hello NAS community ... After a while 'lurking' here since my initial query post over a year ago, I've finally just changed my username from the numerical auto-generated one NAS had branded me, so apologies this has taken me a while to muster. (Please also excuse my attempt at humour with my tenuous Prisoner reference!)
I want to say I've really appreciated you all. I've gained so much insight and increasingly identified with so much from avidly reading posts on here but hadn't yet had the courage or sense of validation to feel able to actively participate, due to the fact that I am still in the limbo of awaiting assessment as yet another female seeking a late diagnosis. Hence my provisional username, hopefully conveying my current pending state of being 'autist-ish'. (Though also in reference to my childhood nickname, Tish.)
Although I am very pleased to finally flesh out my identity here and join you all, I have to admit I do find expressing myself in writing, whilst being a preference for me, seems to take up a lot of my energy - swallowing time with a kind of compulsive hyperfocus, rewriting, writing excessively, overthinking etc. So all in all, I just don't know how consistently I will be able to actively contribute to the conversations without overwhelming myself, though I really do want to! It may be intermittent or in fits and bursts, or perhaps I will be able to restrain myself to at least pipe up to the conversations in a more regular, albeit minimal way. I suppose really, a virtual form of selective mutism, perhaps? Things may pan out very differently of course, should I receive a negative diagnosis. Nevertheless I just want to be open and give you all that disclaimer anyway ...
My assessment limbo of almost one and a half years has had some startling developments this week. I had plucked up the courage to at last email my assessment service to enquire, a) an estimate of what my position is on the waiting list; b) whether there is a possibility of taking any cancellations; c) confirm that I had not become lost in the system. I was anxious to ask them in case I was told "another 2 years or so plus", but to my shock, the reply I received was actually an upcoming appointment date for 25th April. However, my reaction has been mixed. I'm obviously feeling very fortunate and taken aback with relief it is now imminent, however my anxiety spiked upon reading it as I was not expecting it to be a 'virtual video call'. I personally struggle with video calls as the sense of disconnect etc. seems to affect my communication. I emailed them back today to explain this and ask if there is any possibility of a face to face appointment option, but that I understand if not or if this would mean much longer waiting times. They replied to say that, "[...]face to face appointments are available but are very limited[...]" and that I could cancel my virtual appointment to wait for one to come up if I preferred. So, I'm now left with a quandary. I have no indication how this limited availability translates - would this be months, a year even? Should I just accept this very fortunate appointment I've been given, despite my reservations with the anxiety and discomfort of video calling? Would this help or hinder me, I wonder, in terms of masking (which, as a late diagnosis seeker, is very well cultivated!)
I hope you can offer some insight or advice on what to do, or maybe what you would do in this situation.
Once again, pleased to finally join you and thank you for listening.
