Shame and anxiety about special interest?

Ok, I’m not going to talk about what my special interest is because it’s on the “spicy/saucy/naughty” side (nothing illegal I will add) and I’d rather not get banned from this space.

Because of its nature and societies general views on such things, I can end up feeling very anxious about it and get a sense of shame. It’s something I really love to read and learn about but at times it just feels like this impossible thing to do as I just have this sense that I shouldn’t be enjoying this sort of stuff. It’s really hard to talk to people about it and find other like minded people who are ok with you just info dumping about it.

Also because of my additional support needs it can be really hard to be involve and do things around it and that I want to do. It can just leave me with this sense of being unfulfilled and inferior to others. I struggle to self advocate and express what I want, and when I do I can come across as pushy or demanding or obsessive about something, I just can’t seem to get a balance.

I’m ranting a bit now, just wondering if anyone else has similar thoughts and feelings around their special interests and being able to take part?

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  • I am a bit similar in a way. I'm a big Doctor Who fan, which is very popular these days, but I became a fan in the 90s when it wasn't on TV and was a bit of a popular laughing-stock. I was bullied at school for liking it (albeit the bullies would probably have found something else to bully me about if I hadn't been into it) and to this day, I feel uncomfortable talking about it with "normal" people, only with die-hard fans. Unfortunately, the thought of going to a convention scares me (so many people!) and I drifted out of internet fandom years ago for various reasons and haven't been able to get back into it, so it's a pretty solitary thing for me, or was, until I got my fiancee into it. We were long-distance, so it was something we could do together, to watch and then talk about it. I would like to talk to other fans, but I feel I just don't know how to get back into fandom, which seems to be on platforms I don't use much (podcasts, Twitter).

  • Doctor Who is one of the best things ever, if not the best thing ever already. :) 

    I put off watching it for ages and then when I did I never stopped. I'm on a mission to watch them all before I die, but busy with work so can't find the time lately.

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