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Shame and anxiety about special interest?

Daniel

Ok, I’m not going to talk about what my special interest is because it’s on the “spicy/saucy/naughty” side (nothing illegal I will add) and I’d rather not get banned from this space.

Because of its nature and societies general views on such things, I can end up feeling very anxious about it and get a sense of shame. It’s something I really love to read and learn about but at times it just feels like this impossible thing to do as I just have this sense that I shouldn’t be enjoying this sort of stuff. It’s really hard to talk to people about it and find other like minded people who are ok with you just info dumping about it.

Also because of my additional support needs it can be really hard to be involve and do things around it and that I want to do. It can just leave me with this sense of being unfulfilled and inferior to others. I struggle to self advocate and express what I want, and when I do I can come across as pushy or demanding or obsessive about something, I just can’t seem to get a balance.

I’m ranting a bit now, just wondering if anyone else has similar thoughts and feelings around their special interests and being able to take part?

Parents

  • Hello Daniel

    Your predicament sounds VERY frustrating.  There are a few things going on in your writing above (as I perceive it,) and from what I can discern, I can offer you some advice - although I am not sure it will be that useful?

    The one thing that jumped out at me the most were your words was "I just have this sense that I shouldn't be enjoying this sort of stuff."

    In my opinion, unless you are able to make peace with the fact that this 'thing' is 'your thing' then you will always be feeling shame and anxiety about it.  Accordingly, my advice to you would be to pursue your 'thing' with other people who similarly like that thing too.

    Whilst I do hear you about the trouble of interacting effectively with others (due to autism) - I think this is the lesser problem for you in this instance........the primary problem is a lack of self-acceptance of your peccadillo.

    Perhaps you should tackle this problem of yours in stages - rather than trying to do everything all at once.

    Firstly, perhaps you should visit online spaces where your 'thing' is shared with loads of other people.  Rather than trying to involve yourself initially, spend some time being cognisant of ALL THE OTHER PEOPLE who like your thing too.  Hopefully, if you can be mindful of the number of people, variety of people and happiness/confidence of those people in dealing with your "thing," then your confidence and self-acceptance of your enjoyment of it can become more normalised and acceptable to you.

    Secondly, perhaps you could try to pin-point the individual people in those spaces with whom you feel some resonance and connection.  Then, rather than trying to "get involved", you could simply try to reach out and make one or two individual connections with some of those people.  It is MUCH easier to disclose your autistic identity one-on-one......you can explain your other challenges that this brings.

    And finally, when you have self-accepted your "thing", found one or two "friends" with whom you can discuss your love of the subject with......then, and only then.....you can embark on thinking about how to get more fully integrated into the "scene."

    I hope this might be helpful to you.  I apologise for my repeated use of "thing" - it was the only way I could communicate - please rest assured that no rudeness nor implication is intended by that shorthand.

    I wish you luck, brave soul.

    Kind regards

    Number.

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