Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone,
This is my very first post here on the forum!
I was officially diagnosed with autism last Monday, I knew I was, but there was something around to official diagnosis that changed me.
I have been consciously trying to continue to mask at work, people would normally see me as a bubbly, outgoing, confident individual and I didn't intend to let my work "mask" slip any time soon. However, I find myself being more blunt when answering things, and being more reserved when I would normally be super involved in group meetings. To the point where my colleagues joke about me being quiet "for once" and wondering if something is up.
I actually didn't even know I was doing anything different, I thought I just had nothing to say on the topics being discussed, but I don't really feel ready at all to discuss this with my peers or boss (even if I ever do!)
Just wondering what everyone else's experience is like with this? I have heard a lot about learning to unmask but I just haven't gotten that far yet given it is really new for me.
Thank you
I really related to what you wrote. I found out last month about my Autism.
I'm housebound due to physical health issues so I only interact with my boyfriend. I think I have unconsciously been unmasking with him. For example, I'm not good with social interaction/communicating verbally but now I've become more blunt (unfortunately bordering on rude) - I tell him I'm not interested when he tells me negative stories from the news or I walk out of the room and ignore him. Before I knew I'm Autistic, I'd politely sit through stuff I didn't want to hear. I also interrupt him more than I usually did. Overall, the unmasking is negative but he knows what's going on with me - confusion over who I am now.
However, I now understand what causes the horrible meltdowns I had. Those have very nearly disappeared, even though it hasn't been a conscious effort. I now shutdown and go completely quiet/tune out. It doesn't sound good but it's better than a loud shouting meltdown that affected us both.
On the other hand, even though I don't consciously control it, I still mask with the other people I have interacted with - my neighbour, people on the phone to pay Bill's or make appointments. I have a set conversation with these phone calls without spontaneity.
I'm still muddling along after realising I'm Autistic. I guess unmasking/masking depends on who I interact with and why I'm interacting with them. Masking behaviour is easy for me since I've apparently done it unconsciously for over 60 years! I don't want to unmask if it's not in my best interests - if I need to accomplish something through a phone call then I stick to my adaptive routine. I am more aware that I have trouble processing information, so I do ask for people to repeat themselves when I need that help. They may think I'm thick or I have a hearing problem but I now don't worry about what they think of me!
I don't know if any of this is useful, but over time things settle down (I think I have some time to go to reach that, but everyone's different).
Good Luck in your journey.