Published on 12, July, 2020
I recently realised I am Autistic after I retired from a long and successful career. Over the years I have repeatedly been treated for depression. Now I am wondering if I ever had depression. If not is there any point in me taking antidepressants. I am aware that I must not suddenly stop antidepressants and I will take it slowly and carefully and doubt I will ever stop altogether. I am aware that being Autistic does not mean I cannot also gave depression.
Has anyone else been though this?
Are there any neurophysiologists out there who can advise?
It's hard to tell. I suffered long periods of treatment-resistant depression from age sixteen to thirty-seven. Then I was diagnosed autistic and suddenly felt a lot better! In retrospect, I wonder how much was autistic burnout, but I think some of it was "real" depression: going on clomipramine in late 2017 saw a sudden and significant improvement in my mood from near-suicidal to "merely" somewhat depressed, which wouldn't happen with burnout. (You can, of course, be depressed and burnt out at the same time.) I am still on medication; I'm trying to come off it, or at least reduce it, with psychiatric guidance. I think I probably do need to be on a maintenance dose of something, but probably not as much as I'm currently on.
Thank you. I don't think I will ever really know what was Autism and what was depression. Also I can never go back and change the past. However it will be something to take into account as I slowly reduce my medication. Something I would never do suddenly or without medical supervision. I just rejoice in the real benefits my Autism has given me and will continue to do so.