A few personal reflections for Mothers Day
My mum Brenda, 1924-2019 was incredible in so many ways, it would be easy to resort to the twee “best mum in the world” cliche of the cards, but it wouldn’t go near capturing her complexity.
On the plus side she was there for me through the many big crises such as my separation/divorce, too many mental ill health situations to count, various chaos strewn jobs etc. But she really wasn’t perfect either. For example she increasingly called me a “house side”, this wasn’t in jest, she really detested fat people (her word) and it absolutely wasn’t trivial to me, it really really hurt, her early “starving children in Africa would love that so clear your plate” lecture contributed to many years of dysfunctional eating, and she struggled with the racism embedded in her generation, as did all my family.
I mention these negatives not to slag her off but to show her imperfections and because I know it sucks when everyone is banging on about how amazing their mum is when yours isn’t. No one is perfect, we are all fractured, like the best crystals.
She was diagnosed with mixed Alz/Vasc dementia in 2014, I moved in with her in 2015 caring for her until February 2019 when it was beyond my ability to cope anymore. Taking her to the residential home was without any shadow the worst day of my life, it felt as though I was utterly betraying her. She only lasted a few more months and truly I am glad she passed before Covid hit.
I thank her every day for her gifts, the financial security and beautiful home I have is in large part down to her, partly and obviously due to the inheritance, but crucially also the amazing childhood lessons she and dad taught me about money management which I use every day still.
Thank you mum 
️️️