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Routine - conscious effort or not?

Jay

Hi all

Firstly I'm sorry if this exact question has been asked before but I can't find anything exactly like it myself. 

For context, I am a 45 year old male currently seeking referral for Autism assessment.

My question is whether people here who have specific routines in their lives have developed these without consciously thinking about it or whether they have realised that having a routine helps them to feel calmer and have purposely set out to find routine and order.  The reason I'm asking is that I am desperate to escape the anxiety that has been holding me back for most of my life and if I can try to build in some certainty then I think it might help.  I have found little things like going to the library in my lunch breaks and completing a bit of the jigsaw puzzle they have there help.  It's something to look forward to I guess.  If I don't do it I feel worse. I have also been improving my mornings and recording whether I manage to stick to the schedule I have set.  If I do, it means I have time for breakfast every day.  I already have certain rituals and set ways of doing certain tasks that have just developed over time without effort but not to the extent of a routine that gives direction to my days. 

The obvious answer is that if I find something helpful then I should just do it but I find it very difficult to work out where my anxiety comes from or what out of the various things I am doing or are happening to me are helping or hindering my progress.  I would appreciate any perspectives on what has helped others or how you see routine, good or bad.

Thanks for any insights,

Jay  

  • in reply to BassFace

    I love that bassline! I went from that video to Rage Against the Machine which has some amazing guitar and bass as I’m sure you know. 

  • in reply to Jay

    Hey, thanks for the reply!

    I've just been watching this video to learn a cool RHCP bassline https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkSwQBAwaBU&ab_channel=Scott%27sBassLessons :) I think you should get yourself a bass Slight smile

    I called myself BassFace because I like how bass players are allowed to do serious/strange facial expressions. I don't smile 'on demand' and I like being kind of in the background, so it's a good instrument for me :) I learnt a couple of simple songs on an acoustic 6-string, but I prefer bass.

  • in reply to Andy Neniu

    Thanks for replying Andy. It’s really helpful to hear about how others do things. Spending time on your to do list every day sounds good. I tend to put too much on there then it just gets demotivating when I haven’t done most of it. 

  • Routines can be a bit of a minefield for me to navigate. I find I need to impose some order on myself otherwise I get nothing done! To that end I usually spend 10 minutes each morning writing my to-do list for the day. This usually contains a breakdown of some of the things I need to do - wash laundry, hang it up, fold it, put it away. I often need to remind myself to shower every couple of days, so that goes on the list too! Then I have daily reminders to play music, write lyrics (I'm awful at lyric writing!) or work towards something else specific which is on the go. I'm so disorganised that if I don't impose that on myself, I end up getting bogged down and spend a day doing half-bits of tasks.

    On the other hand, if I there's something I'm doing like going to a museum or gallery, or meeting friends, I find it very difficult to cope when things change last minute. I think this is an expectation setting thing for me. If I have a day where I know the plans are very loose I'm totally fine with going with the flow as long as I'm not expected to make any major decisions. If I know that someone else has set the plans and they suddenly change their mind, I can find it difficult to switch lanes to the new plans. I think I'm sometimes unsure about what other people expect of me, or what I should expect of others. It's that social contract thing... So if I gear myself up to expect one thing and what the other person expects is something else it can cause discomfort, friction, a strop/sulk or the need to immediately extricate myself to somewhere I feel safe.

    I think these are my experiences of routine or planning which are certainly expressions of different needs, but not exactly what you might think fit into the expected definition of routine. I don't have to brush my teeth the same way or put my socks on in a specific order or anything like that.

  • in reply to BassFace

    Hi, thanks for replying, that's really interesting.  I had thought everyone who is autistic just automatically had these routines and that if I had to work at it then I can't be autistic.  If I accept that having some routines helps my mental health then I will try to work at them. 

    I have no idea what would happen If I went on autopilot.  I would probably sit in front of the TV watching Star Trek and forgetting to eat or drink!

    I love your username by the way.  I played guitar (v badly) as a kid and had a friend who had a bass and I used to prefer playing it to my 6 string as it's so much fun popping and slapping the strings!  I think I'm going to play Mother's milk by the Chilli's now!

    I appreciate the reply. 

    Jay

  • I previously thought that the 'routines' part of autism didn't apply to me. I find it hard to stick to a steady predictable pattern with work/eat/sleep/excercise. I find myself consciously thinking about every step of the day, never going on autopilot, and alternating between exhausting myself and then crashing.

    However, I've realised that it's much better for my stress/anxiety levels when I do stick to routines so I'm trying to do more of this.

  • in reply to Martin

    I also struggle with this. One of our admin team sometimes creates a special copy of the agenda for me if im chairing with extra notes which is so handy. I just don’t have the memory to recall it all quickly enough otherwise. 

  • in reply to Jay

    Yes, meetings are unpleasant, especially when you have to chair them. I tend to stim by fiddling with objects, so stopping myself from clicking my pen during meetings was difficult.

  • in reply to Martin

    I know what you mean when you have yourself mentally prepared for a meeting and something changes. I’m definitely pro-cancelling meetings in general though!!

  • I have a very nebulous grasp on time, so routines dependent on timing do not occur to me. However, I do not like my environment to change, especially if change is imposed from outside. When I do expect something to happen, if it changes, I then have difficulties. If I had a meeting scheduled at work and it was cancelled, I would have a period of time when I would be unable to do anything useful, while I adapted to the change.