Did being autistic make you more tolerant?

Definitely throughout my life I’ve been what I’ve perceived as benefit of the doubt giver, a diplomat, and permanent grudges have seemed irrational to me except in the most extreme of circumstances. 

However, it’s also made me (certainly in NT people’s eyes, some of my own family’s views, and sometimes -on my worst days-  even my own perception) a bit of a doormat. I’m not innately assertive, I’ll hold a door open for five people in a row (a metaphor for my broader way of being) or let three cars turn onto the road in front instead of one - usually earning horn blasts from behind. That sort of thing. I’ve always ‘finished last’ in many realms so at least I have the comfort of knowing that I have the cliched ‘nice guy (mostly)’ part of that equation to call my own. Though I do find myself getting more sinister and disillusioned over time. The old ‘those things are for other people, I don’t get those because I’m different - outwardly a human cartoon not to be taken seriously- factor is still reflexively in me 90% of the time - it’s very ingrained- but I no longer as often occupy that mode with the lighter, unconditionally accepting spirit I used to have, and instead feel pretty wretched and heavy hearted a lot of the time now. Because the universe has played a couple of cruel tricks on me not too long ago, I can never quite be who I was again. But I don’t want to lose touch with authentic kindness, I think it’s still there - fragile, but present- despite being made the punchline of a few cosmic jokes. I just wish that same kindness could be offered in an outstretched hand by two or three people whose actions - upfront and coldly exiling, or with a smile up front and something much more self-serving and covertly deceptive underneath - have hurt me deeply and left me regularly distressed in my needed but now often tainted private solitude. 

Anyway, the reason I continue to hurt is precisely because I can’t manage that binary switch of ‘good person then but bad person now’. It’s so bizarrely reductive yet near universal. Ties are cut at the drop of a hat because of human imperfection mirrored in the tie-cutter themselves. As much as it makes life  more upsetting, the more standard-issue mode of being makes me shudder. I don’t want to live like the majority- prioritising dignity and pride over empathy and compassion. The latter should override the former in pretty much all situations, but it seems to fall primarily to the neurodiverse to truly know that in their core, not just pay lip service to it as a glimpsed philosophy and whim-based opt-in for rare occasions. 
it’s what makes us generally more open and honest too. But that’s too sane for a world that still presently needs a collective insanity to keep it turning. 

Definitely throughout my life I’ve been what I’ve perceived as benefit of the doubt giver, a diplomat, and permanent grudges have seemed irrational to me except in the most extreme of circumstances. 

However, it’s also made me (certainly in NT people’s eyes, some of my own family’s views, and sometimes -on my worst days-  even my own perception) a bit of a doormat. I’m not innately assertive, I’ll hold a door open for five people in a row (a metaphor for my broader way of being) or let three cars turn onto the road in front instead of one - usually earning horn blasts from behind. That sort of thing. I’ve always ‘finished last’ in many realms so at least I have the comfort of knowing that I have the cliched ‘nice guy (mostly)’ part of that equation to call my own. Though I do find myself getting more sinister and disillusioned over time. The old ‘those things are for other people, I don’t get those because I’m different - outwardly a human cartoon not to be taken seriously- factor is still reflexively in me 90% of the time - it’s very ingrained- but I no longer as often occupy that mode with the lighter, unconditionally accepting spirit I used to have, and instead feel pretty wretched and heavy hearted a lot of the time now. Because the universe has played a couple of cruel tricks on me not too long ago, I can never quite be who I was again. But I don’t want to lose touch with authentic kindness, I think it’s still there - fragile, but present- despite being made the punchline of a few cosmic jokes. I just wish that same kindness could be offered in an outstretched hand by two or three people whose actions - upfront and coldly exiling, or with a smile up front and something much more self-serving and covertly deceptive underneath - have hurt me deeply and left me regularly distressed in my needed but now often tainted private solitude. 

Anyway, the reason I continue to hurt is precisely because I can’t manage that binary switch of ‘good person then but bad person now’. It’s so bizarrely reductive yet near universal. Ties are cut at the drop of a hat because of human imperfection mirrored in the tie-cutter themselves. As much as it makes life  more upsetting, the more standard-issue mode of being makes me shudder. I don’t want to live like the majority- prioritising dignity and pride over empathy and compassion. The latter should override the former in pretty much all situations, but it seems to fall primarily to the neurodiverse to truly know that in their core, not just pay lip service to it as a glimpsed philosophy and whim-based opt-in for rare occasions. 
it’s what makes us generally more open and honest too. But that’s too sane for a world that still presently needs a collective insanity to keep it turning.