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FIRST WEEK AS A KNOWINGLY AUTISTIC WOMAN!

friendoffelines

I don't know if this is still the "honeymoon" period, but I'm still on cloud nine and have now told everyone I know. With the exception of one 'friend' (who said we are all on the spectrum and she wasn't prepared to take it seriously until I've got an official diagnosis - and then proceeded to tell me in an accusatory tone of all the situations where I have embarrassed her and not behaved appropriately).

Last week, I made a REAL effort to block out people, noise etc that I would ordinarily have commented loudly on, alienating people in the process, and although this is clearly masking, it is necessary in order to get through a day without the usual conflict. I imagine this what "normal" people do...The result, is that I have had a conflict free week! Yes, it was tiring being concious of how I was, what I said and how I said it, may be it's a question of fake it til you make it.

I now have the enormous task of deciding whether or not to contact my 86 year old mother, who I have not spoken to for 25 years, who was obsessive and controlling to me as a child, as it is now blindingly obvious that she is autistic too...Any advice from someone who has had the same dilemma would be deeply appreciated

  • in reply to NAS84574

    Thank you all for the comments...I've just been watching Ted talks on female autism, and it's been life affirming and a great relief to k ow there are SO many others that have gone through the same stuff. Pity it took 62 years to work it out, but hipefully the last 30 years will be living authe tically!

    BRING IT ON!!!

  • I received my report by email just a few hours ago having been diagnosed at a clinic in mid-January.  I’m feeling exactly the same emotions right now.  Who do I tell?

    The plan was to get the report as confirmation, then feel as if I have the proof of diagnosis by a qualified professional to show to my NT family.

    But at the end of the day, what really matters is that 13 page report is YOUR proof that YOU have made the decision to confirm and YOU can start to make sense of things.  It may be useful for some people but if you think your mum wouldn’t benefit, it’s not your problem.

  • in reply to Nexus11

    According to friends, unless you are a child, the NHS won't bother, and a private assessment and diagnosis (which isn't recognised by the NHS) will cost about 2 grand....

  • Congratulations!

    Still debating with myself whether to get tested got a diagnosis, and settle the thing once and for all.

  • in reply to friendoffelines

    Indeed.  I am a nihilist at my core (when pushed) - so maybe that explains my perspective.  However, just because I fear that everything is ultimately pointless, doesn't mean it's not true !

    Keep smiling.

  • in reply to Deleted User

    I might, but I'm naturally an optimistic person and a realist, so have put feelers out to speak to a qualified psychololgist who specialises in autism in adults so get as much info and support as possible to counter that. Also, I'm sufficiently bolshie that if anyone gives me a hard time, they'll get it with both barrels! No gain without pain!

  • in reply to JT

    Different strokes for different (or the same!) folks! I felt that 10 years ago, I would have kept it mainly to myself, but since everyone and his cat seem to have a health issue, it is widely accepted, and I personally have found that people whjo were avoiding me, have cut me a bit of slack and are more accomodating.

  • in reply to Morganna Le Faye

    It is SO wonderful that people like me respond so quickly...You are probably right about speaking to my mother...I just need to calm it down a bit and get used to my situation. Thank you x

  • Crikey, no clue about the estranged Mum thing.

    I just thought I'd write to say (without wanting to sound like a party pooper) - yes, you sound like you are still in the honeymoon period and I am afraid that you are likely to experience a dip in mood again in the not too distant future.  Be ready for that.

    In the meanwhile, enjoy your high!!

  • Personally, as I have wrestled with telling my elderly parents as well, I don't think it is of benefit. For me I think it would risk upsetting them and possibly trigger an identity crisis, which in the elderly might risk onset of something like dementia. Only my opinion, but I think telling them I am autistic, is different from telling them I think they are.

    Glad it has helped you though. Impressed you have felt liberated enough to tell everyone you know. I decided I didn't think a label would help my life so have decided to only tell my partner and brother. I have enough issues without having to battle prejudiced folk who may be ignorant to what autism actually is.

    Wishing you all the best on your new journey

  • Good for you!   

    No advice from me, but I'm recently diagnosed also and can now see that my sister and probably mother are also on the spectrum.  I don't have a good relationship with my 81 year old mother, and I thought about telling her  - but she wouldn't understand, she won't change, she probably wouldn't even accept it.  For now I've only decided not to take any decisions :)  as I haven't figured out what I would want to achieve by telling her.  What would it bring me? What would it bring her?  I was diagnosed less than two weeks ago so still quite fresh.     Best of luck!