Hello everyone (both older and newer members).
I decided to drop back in here after a couple of weeks of reflection away. In a new sort of way, I think I’ll be back around again for a little while. It’s nice after reading the responses to my last post that I now understand that I can join in as and when with no obligations. Thanks to those who helped me understand this. Obvious, I know, but worrying is sort of what I do, so I’d over thought even this.
In my time away I finally figured out that I have been feeling a deep unhappiness with a few aspects of my life, but I’m working on changing those circumstances. But in the same breath, I’d like to also acknowledge how incredibly grateful I am for the positives too though.
I have also started counselling and I have an appointment with a mental health practitioner upcoming. Not hopeful for these as most thing seem to gloss over the difference between the NT and ND experience. But, as well as giving this a go, I’m starting to take matters in to my own hands in taking time each day to practice speaking/writing my thoughts and reflections. In doing so, I’m aiming to try and let feelings out as they are building invisibly within me in an attempt to avoid meltdowns etc. where possible.
Im starting to see my emotional capacity as water balloon. Traditionally, this either becomes immediately full and explodes due to the intensity of emotions being poured in (like a tap fully opened in one go) or due or unnoticeable amounts added throughout an prolonged period of time (like a dripping tap) that then creates the same tension before bursting. Visual like this help a little.
I also during this time away watched Chris Packham’s Inside Our Autistic Minds. Quite simply, it was amazing and helped me to feel a lot less alone. My wife watched in amazement too. It vocalised so much of what I’ve struggled to. I especially related to the second episode.
On another note, and probably what prompted my return, I watched this TED Talk by Ethan Lisi today:
It was quite amazing how Ethan vocalised the side of emotions that I struggle to describe when speaking of my difficulties in this area. Especially when he spoke about feelings being unlimited, but only being able to express extremes or nothing. Quite enlightening really.
On the back of this, I felt like now might be a nice time to feel that sense of community I get from this place.
Anyway, it’s nice to be somewhat back here again. Even if it is in my new format of dropping in and out every now and again.
Take care everyone.
