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Like being around people but find it hard/tiring

Deleted User

I've just spent time with in law family and it was really nice. I had a really nice time. But taxing. Too much going on all at once. Now I understand why I struggle. The sensory aspect.  The cognitively processing conversations aspect.  The wondering what expectations of me are aspect. The going inward into myself because there's too much to process but on the outside I probably just look a bit quiet aspect. I let it wash over me a bit and don't try as hard. I'm trying not to mask but even not masking takes work. It feels like all my synapses are firing and the momentum needs time to resettle. It's the same with work. It's the same with friends. But I love being around people. I've realised how much I enjoy to be around people but on my terms and its tiring.  It's a double bind.

Parents

  • I want to add, the "going into myself" bit. ...I still wanted to talk and ask and say things but it was like all my apps were open and if I attempted anything the computer would crash.

  • in reply to Deleted User

    Yes! You have summed that up so perfectly 

  • in reply to Shardovan

    Like, just asking one more thing. You can't just do that, because then you have to follow it up...face, words, tone etc. Just too much! I'm glad someone else gets it.

  • in reply to Shardovan

    Yes I read your post actually I remember it now. I like social eating with my partner or close friends but often we talk before and after the eating, not during. With others I find it more difficult. I didn't realise until I did some questionnaire online about autism or alexithymia  (not that they tell us much but it got me thinking), how much of a social thing eating is. For me, I love food and do like eating with others for occasion like a friends catch up but am happy to eat on my own more generally (this has sometimes been a bone of contention for me at work but that's another story). It was nice at a retreat I went to...I sat on the silent tables mostly so I didn't have to talk. I've digressed! The gargle thing you get sounds strange and uncomfortable. (I don't know who Yung Star is). I don't know if it's something you can make light oh with your friends to take the pressure off yourself a bit? (Oh god I'm having a Yung Star moment again..,bear with!) I get quite uncomfortable in the stomach and it only usually happens if there's lots of talking going on as well as eating. It's still hard to say what I need tjough. Tonight I could've done with taking myself outside for a bit but didn't know how to do it.

  • in reply to Deleted User

    I 100% get it. Like you I wrote a detailed thing a while back about my last catch up with two friends in a too bright too noisy restaurant, and my struggles to track the conversation and rapidly draining battery. I also have this weird thing happen sometimes where being forced into conversation during a meal/drink I get a weird gargle in my voice (which is where a lot of my tension gets centred- there and my chest and head) so I sound like Yung Star from Terrahawks for a few minutes until I can get back to normal. I’m self conscious at the best of times so the extra oddness of that drains me even more. By the time I get home my larynx is so sore from speaking while tense that the first sip of hot tea is like being born again.and then, as you say, the phased jittery comedown can begin. 

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  • in reply to Deleted User

    I 100% get it. Like you I wrote a detailed thing a while back about my last catch up with two friends in a too bright too noisy restaurant, and my struggles to track the conversation and rapidly draining battery. I also have this weird thing happen sometimes where being forced into conversation during a meal/drink I get a weird gargle in my voice (which is where a lot of my tension gets centred- there and my chest and head) so I sound like Yung Star from Terrahawks for a few minutes until I can get back to normal. I’m self conscious at the best of times so the extra oddness of that drains me even more. By the time I get home my larynx is so sore from speaking while tense that the first sip of hot tea is like being born again.and then, as you say, the phased jittery comedown can begin. 

Children
  • in reply to Shardovan

    Yes I read your post actually I remember it now. I like social eating with my partner or close friends but often we talk before and after the eating, not during. With others I find it more difficult. I didn't realise until I did some questionnaire online about autism or alexithymia  (not that they tell us much but it got me thinking), how much of a social thing eating is. For me, I love food and do like eating with others for occasion like a friends catch up but am happy to eat on my own more generally (this has sometimes been a bone of contention for me at work but that's another story). It was nice at a retreat I went to...I sat on the silent tables mostly so I didn't have to talk. I've digressed! The gargle thing you get sounds strange and uncomfortable. (I don't know who Yung Star is). I don't know if it's something you can make light oh with your friends to take the pressure off yourself a bit? (Oh god I'm having a Yung Star moment again..,bear with!) I get quite uncomfortable in the stomach and it only usually happens if there's lots of talking going on as well as eating. It's still hard to say what I need tjough. Tonight I could've done with taking myself outside for a bit but didn't know how to do it.