Published on 12, July, 2020
Since my later in life diagnosis of autism I’ve heard a lot of people telling me that the only way to manage my autism on a daily basis requires my being subject to ultra strict discipline in every area of my life by those deemed best qualified to do so - such people believe that such “tough love” is needed in order to be “cruel to be kind” and is deemed to be “for my own good” because it is deemed that I “do not understand that I am always wrong by default” and “must not attempt to form (nor especially express) any views nor opinions on any issues” because I’m “coming from the space of and looking through the prism of dysfunction” can only be rectified through changing to the “positive” mindset of total obedience without question to the opinions of others (who are, in thier views, always deemed to be “right” on every issue) - I’m wondering what people think of this, as people constantly tell me that I need to be constantly “kept firmly in check” “put and kept firmly in my place” and “knocked back a peg or ten”
Having done the research I'd like to LOL in what amounts to no subtle irony - but first, what bad manners! Tough love should be cost something - it's sacrificial benefiting the other. Tough love is the act of the cross, should anyone like to bring catholicism into this and I don't hear anyone in the above sacrificing themselves on your behalf.
This is classic Neurotic behaviour: riddled with presumption and arrogance. According to a philosophical delve into the ethics of modern society with it's polarities between the Autistic Analytic and the Neurotic Paranoiac, if anyone cannot be 'cured', it's the neurotic, who's system of engaging with the social milieu (environment) contains this ongoing exchange of Guilt + Debt they cannot seem to break free of due to the need to dominate socially.
No one is perfect, but goodness. Everyone deserves a chance to thrive, everyone is worthwhile. Psychology and self-help will remind all of us (Autistic or not) we all have a sort of prism which can modify our perspective of the world. But how neurotics reason with one another and reason out of their prisms of dysfunction is beyond me! Especially when language keeps shape-shifting and everyone can dull their senses to some degree. When one can lie to the self and others due to the nature of social-relations being more important than the physics of things around them.
I'm one for vigilance and forming new habits (but one thing at a time) and disseminating a complexity to find the principle of a thing, but not at the expense of the whole integrated self. And not at the expense of an other I care about. Sometimes we have to remove ourselves from overbearing individuals if we can, find solitude and safety and a way to exit survival mode, often find ways to heal from a life of trauma. Others do not have to live your life and words cost them little. In fact, be sure whoever said these actually recalls the statements they make - I've learned most will say a thing without effort and forget they said it, caring little about the impact just announcing nonsense because they feel they must.
I’ve felt much of this and at times, I’ve often felt like putting these people in contact with a Catholic theologian so that they can be clearly shown how thier interpretation of Catholic Social Teachings is in grave error, as they are basing much of thier opinions on the “simple” Catholic faith, which lies at the root of thier attitudes, as thier minds are stuck in what they see as traditional Catholic “faith and morals”
Traditional Irish Catholic Culture and the traditional Catholic Social Teachings of thier generations has a lot to do with it, which is why I sent them along to Catholic Theologans in Maynooth who are experienced in Canon Law to show them that they are in grave error and are committing sins that they will have to Confess once thier conscience is properly informed of the grave matter that is leading them into mortal sin
At the end of the day, if these others have little impact on your life, it's ok to live and let live. Create a slow fade with your relationship with them. Neurotic behaviour is encoded into Non-Autistics through a different type of traumatising we don't tend to experience. They need authenticity because no one is truly unique according to Jung's persona. One sees it in this tribal behaviour with a very overwhelming need to belong which outweighs our experience of being marginalised for the sake of what is true. There is a disconnect in many ways and it sounds to me as though these others are reinforcing their opinion out of a type of fear: fear of exclusion. Associations have an impact: "If I'm associated with someone who is not 'fitting in' with our group dynamics, there's a possibility I could be pulled out of the inclusion and externalised". This would be like severing a tie in the middle of the ocean. We'd feel a bit of rejection but work out how to swim. For the neurotic, it's suicide.
We all have our difficulties. If you can create a distance from the individuals stating these things, I'd do so and if they care to insert their unsolicited advice your way again, it could be good to smile and nod and just respond with "well, you're entitled to your opinion, but this is my life to live." Everyone wants their own soap box, but we just don't need them in OUR garden. :)