- Hello, am I autistic (rhetorical question)
- I am in my 40s and after raising my son who was diagnosed when he was 10 I have been wondering if I might be autistic, we share many traits and I joke he is a mini me. However I am not the only one who has seen the similarities, my partner and I have discussed this on many occasions.
- I have self referred for assesment, and some point between now and retirement I might get one haha.
- I wonder if I have become so good at masking/learned behaviour that I have just been able to function in a society that I don't relate too? I don't have friends, I have associates. I prefer to be on my own and I am very pragmatic, described as cold and harsh. However when it comes to people I have a connection with (family) I feel intense emotions, I would take on any organisation to get the support for my son and I don't back down, I feel love and despair but only as an extreme - when my mother passed I couldn't cope with the emotions initially, which I understand is natural but I mean I just couldn't function at all until I processed it then I seemed to feel what I think other siblings felt (I simply don't know)
- I don't have specific interests anymore but I hyper fixate on information gathering, learning etc. For example I know SEND Code of practice and legislation enough to tie the local authority up in knotts and I do as they try to cut corners.
- Empathy - well I simply don't know if I am empathetic or have learned to be, I can understand people's situations, pragmatically and how these could be difficult, painful or traumatising. But do I understand their feelings ? I guess yes but I see black and white I offer solutions that seem harsh or blunt - that's who I am, I don't set out to offend people, I don't intend to hurt people and logically the solutions will work if emotion can be set aside (for the most part)
- literal thinking - as I've said I'm pragmatic, I get sarcasm but phrases like 'I had no choice' get to me because there's always a choice, maybe not great options but always a choice. I have been told I take this too literally but then don't say it, arggg sorry it annoys me. If I say I will do something it gets done, if I arrange to be somewhere at a time I'm there, if my routine changes it annoys me.
- All in all I am seriously confused - do I have autism ? I guess time will tell !
- sometimes I just want to be in a wilderness on my own or with animals - peace and quiet. other times I want to be in the car music on singing to the top of my voice to expel the tensions.
- So in conclusion I don't ask for diagnostic opinions when I say 'am I autistic' but I welcome a conversation around what others felt pre diagnosis as an adult.
- thankyou
