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am I autistic

jammed81
  1. Hello, am I autistic (rhetorical question) 
  2. I am in my 40s and after raising my son who was diagnosed when he was 10 I have been wondering if I might be autistic, we share many traits and I joke he is a mini me. However I am not the only one who has seen the similarities, my partner and I have discussed this on many occasions.
  3. I have self referred for assesment, and some point between now and retirement I might get one haha.
  4. I wonder if I have become so good at masking/learned behaviour that I have just been able to function in a society that I don't relate too? I don't have friends, I have associates. I prefer to be on my own and I am very pragmatic, described as cold and harsh. However when it comes to people I have a connection with (family) I feel intense emotions, I would take on any organisation to get the support for my son and I don't back down, I feel love and despair but only as an extreme - when my mother passed I couldn't cope with the emotions initially, which I understand is natural but I mean I just couldn't function at all until I processed it then I seemed to feel what I think other siblings felt (I simply don't know) 
  5. I don't have specific interests anymore but I hyper fixate on information gathering, learning etc. For example I know SEND Code of practice and legislation enough to tie the local authority up in knotts and I do as they try to cut corners. 
  6. Empathy - well I simply don't know if I am empathetic or have learned to be, I can understand people's situations, pragmatically and how these could be difficult, painful or traumatising. But do I understand their feelings ? I guess yes but I see black and white I offer solutions that seem harsh or blunt - that's who I am, I don't set out to offend people, I don't intend to hurt people and logically the solutions will work if emotion can be set aside (for the most part) 
  7. literal thinking - as I've said I'm pragmatic, I get sarcasm but phrases like 'I had no choice' get to me because there's always a choice, maybe not great options but always a choice. I have been told I take this too literally but then don't say it, arggg sorry it annoys me. If I say I will do something it gets done, if I arrange to be somewhere at a time I'm there, if my routine changes it annoys me.
  8. All in all I am seriously confused - do I have autism ? I guess time will tell ! 
  9. sometimes I just want to be in a wilderness on my own or with animals - peace and quiet. other times I want to be in the car music on singing to the top of my voice to expel the tensions.
  10. So in conclusion I don't ask for diagnostic opinions when I say 'am I autistic' but I welcome a conversation around what others felt pre diagnosis as an adult.
  11. thankyou 
Parents

  • Hi, I’m not diagnosed but am hoping to be referred for assessment by my psychologist soon. I’m also in my 40s. 

    i swing between ‘im making it all up’ and ‘this could explain everything’. I’ve been wondering about it for years so this is the only way to stop the wondering I guess.

     
    My daughter does have some issues and meltdowns but nothing too serious. However, I’m pretty sure my father is autistic. I guess I’m somewhere in the middle which probably makes sense. 

    Your feeling about having no choice is interesting to me. I always say we always have a choice. I may feel like I have no choice about whether to go to work or pay the bills but I really do have a choice. It’s just that the consequences would likely be too bad to make it a good choice. 

    i expect your tenacity will come in handy when you’re pushing for an assessment which comes before retirement!

  • in reply to Jay

    Thankyou for your reply, I feel like I have been managing fine in life but then always have felt different, an outsider. I don't like social situations because I don't know how to talk to strangers, I don't know how to do small talk etc. 

    I may have not explained the no choice comment correctly.

    The phrase "I had no choice" or "they had no choice" 

    I find the phrases frustrating because in every situation there is always a choice, maybe bad options and as you said negative consequences but there is always a choice. Hence I find the use of the phrases frustrating because I take It literally and I can see the choices, it's just an example of a saying that I get annoyed at because of my black and white thinking.

  • in reply to jammed81

    I got what you meant by the no choice thing and i agree. I feel like an outsider too but happily so!

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