Diagnosis and restricted, repetitive patterns of behaviours, interests, or activities.

I read some newspaper articles in the past few weeks. Each profiled neurotypical people, and every one of the three was frighteningly driven and/or was obsessive about their chosen activity. One was a skateboarder, another a cyclist and businesswoman, the last a 'railfan' (a person who is extremely interested in trains and related aspects of rail travel).

Two of these folks sustained terrible injuries, and yet continued to compete while injured or else returned to their sport against medical advice:

'In May last year, she fell head first from a 4.5 metre ramp. She suffered multiple fractures to her skull, a broken left arm and hand, and lacerations to her heart and lungs. She was back on her skateboard in two months.'

All three were lauded by the journalists for their fanatical determination and their supposed successes or even their general contentment. The words 'strange', 'reckless', or 'crazed' were never published, let alone were the words 'possibly autistic'. Because the default prism is a NT one, instead these people were held up as admirable and 'normal' if focused and passionate. They may be all those things; but they also enjoy the benefit of a prism which too often casts we autists as mad or drab or useless.

I am barely coping right now to be honest with extreme anxiety about most things that are the slightest bit challenging which is the main reason for exploring whether I am autistic or not as it may help me to learn how to better regulate my mood. 

I think sometimes we don't think we are *too obsessed* with something and might just see it as enjoying a hobby but to others it might come across as an obsession or strong interest. I like to collect information on different things I'm interested in rather than items per se. Sometimes i struggle to have motivation to engage in doing, but am more than happy to sit and read about it. Sometimes I can get into something for a very brief period. I think everyone is different. I think we often to look to others for reassurance (am I. ..am I not) but I've realised the spectrum is so vast.....repetitive behaviours isn't just about interests though. When I first started reading about autism I felt some things fit but not others.  I think sometimes I was taking very literally what I had read. Also it's a spectrum like a shape not a line. If diagnosed you might find you have a spiky profile with more difficulties in other areas.

How well would you say you are currently coping? There have been times in my life when I haven't had strong routines or special interests, but my mental health has been absolutely on the floor during those times. Frequent meltdowns etc. When I have the routines and the interests, I have fewer meltdowns.

I have some specific ordered ways I like to do things, from washing up to doing my laundry to what mugs I use for which drinks but I tend to be able to stick to them when I'm home so don't really get agitated too much.  If I accidentally wash a sock not inside out I don't really worry though.

I've often thought that I need to start a book about my colleagues as I have a bad memory and have jotted a few things down in my diary from time to time.  I have forgotten quite major things they've told me about their lives sometimes.

I don't really have any unhealthy obsessions.

Like I said, this is one part of ASD that I don't strongly identify with.

Ok so do you have an unhealthy interest in true crime dramas? Memorise lots of obscure facts about your friends to try and keep track of them, their likes / dislikes etc?

do you have specific unusual method's for doing things that you get agitated if you can’t use?

Hi Alice

Thanks for replying.  I definitely don't want to pin all my hopes on getting this diagnosis but I'm just desperate to find a way to live without constant anxiety and to better understand where my issues may come from.  If that is partly due to autism then I can maybe learn new techniques and more healthy coping mechanisms.  

If I did get a diagnosis, it would be more for me rather than telling anyone else. Saying that, it would mean I could explore any support services offered (there are some at my work) again in the hope of learning how to better cope with this tricky life.

I appreciate your thoughts,

Jay

Hi Jay, I'm Alice.

The stereotypical box is a problem because no one actually fits inside it. ASD effects everyone differently and, my understanding is, an autism diagnosis is based on how much your symptoms affect your day to day life and not whether you have autistic traits. Diagnosis seems to be a mixed affair depending on who assesses you and how knowledgeable/experienced they are. Some people are given a negative diagnosis one year and then a positive one a few years later. We still don't really understand neuro diversity, and although things are getting better, I think there's still a long way to go.

For me, the most important thing is to recognise your needs and to accommodate them in the best way you can. Yes, you can wave a diagnosis in front of people but in the end, it's all about how you feel about yourself. And that struggle is the same for all humans, thinking in a different way does make some things harder, but it makes other things easier.

I think what I'm trying to say is try not to stress about your assessment and think instead about whether or not the label is important to you, and why.

These are just my thoughts. Good luck with it all