A Bit Of Confusion

Haha could be

She said she was a psychologist. She wasn't happy with me at the start of the conversation, but they should understand that certain questions are going to be too hard to answer. It seemed that she changed for the worse the moment that autism was mentioned. Maybe im just seeing it that way, she definitely got impatient with me. 

It's so complicated isn't it, and frustrating.

I'm only just beginning to accept that I'm autistic. Being able to type that is a very recent and huge step for me.

I suspect it was just an evil parking warden in disguise!

Was it an actual psychiatrist doing the assessment? It's hardly the "unconditional positive regard" they're supposed to demonstrate!

Well, I can "test" myself in certain circumstances and I personally do seem to be able to get everything utterly wrong a lot of the time.  However, there are a good few notable and proven instances where I have really got it very right indeed.....well before anyone else had a clue.

Personally, I am always extremely self conscious of why I might be feeling emotions or 'slights' from others.

It is one of those uncomfortable crossover aspects of my personality.....I'm definitely feel "a little bit BPD" a lot of the time...but I fundamentally don't fit the profile/personality disorder.  My autism does.

Still a work in Pikl/progress.

I've wondered if I'm over sensitive,  I've been told a lot "you're reading too much into it." But I analyse everything that is said to me and how it's said, so I can understand what's meant. I also analyse everything I've said to make sure I haven't said something that could perhaps be misunderstood, or to see if I've misunderstood what was said to me.

Could I be picking up on more?

Do you think that you pick up on people's attitude/mood more intensely/clearly compared to average/normie people?

I knew they'd be some difficult questions. I just wasn't expecting her attitude, nor how judgemental she'd be.

You said it Number! And our club definitely rocks!

That is astoundingly awful that she did that.

Well, you explain my life reasonably well above too.  This person you interacted with today sounds like an ass - we are not failed human beings, just different.  F*C* Her!

Our club rocks!

She pulled apart my relationships and kept questioning that I had 2 friends, making me feel I'd failed for having only 2. Then she wanted to dig into my relationship with my husband and didn't seem happy when I said we were like friends. She also seemed displeased that I don't go out and socialise. Thanks for making me feel like I've failed as a human being.

Thank you Luftmentsch. 

Apart from getting frustrated with me because I refused to discuss my chosen method of self harm. She asked me about previous therapy outcomes. I explained that the 1st time I was told they couldn't work with me because I was very likely autistic and needed an assessment. She then said "well, did you get an assessment? " I told her it was a long waiting list. I didn't tell I'd also gone private. She said "have you looked into it, do you think you're autistic? " I said I'd done extensive research. She said "that doesn't answer my question, do you think you're autistic?" I said yes and she went silent.

Thank you Steve 

I'm sorry to hear this, Pikl. Please be kind to yourself.

I am very sorry to read of that, Pikl.

Something I've noticed about those from the NT world: all too many of them behave personally when they should behave professionally.

Thank you Perri,

I think I need a bit of time to process all that.

I've also just had my therapy triage appointment via telephone, and it was awful. She was rude, unsympathetic and judgemental. And a lot of the questions are triggering. I think I need some time to recover from it, than I will read your advice again, when I'm better able to take it in.

The Luke Beardon book was transformational for me. It was so different from everything I'd previously read about anxiety. I'm going to look up the other one you recommended too.

Exposure therapy can be useful in some situations, where the fear is irrational and gradual exposure can be done safely. 

However an autistic person cannot change their sensory profile by repeated exposure. A person with such sensory processing difficulties lacks the ability to habituate or become accustomed to those triggers. Therefore their sensory anxiety is not irrational and exposure therapy will only make it worse.

A couple of helpful books on the subject:

Avoiding Anxiety in Autistic Adults: A Guide for Autistic Wellbeing by Luke Beardon (Author)

Sensory Trauma: AUTISM, SENSORY DIFFERENCE AND THE DAILY EXPERIENCE OF FEAR by Dr Rorie Fulton (Author), Emma Reardon (Author), Kate Richardson (Author), Dr Rachel Jones (Author)