Everyone's a little bit autistic...

I had the same response from someone recently, I had got to know the person quite well, I don’t normally share anything about me with the muggles. I got the exact response you mentioned, I really wanted to actually slap him, obviously I wouldn’t. The final remark was the,” you don’t look autistic.” There seems to be this view at the moment, autism is trendy and some sort of excuse for different behaviour. I would love them to live inside my head for just one day, it isn’t trendy, some days it’s a living hell.

I find "my head gets a bit busy at times too" to be particularly frustrating. When everything you hear is turned into video images, the constant conversations with yourself, and automatically running multiple scenarios at the same time. Add in a song, analysing what youre saying to others and what tbeyre saying to you, whilst going over previous conversations to fact check. And of course thinking about what you need to be doing as well as what you are doing. My head feels more than a little busy. I wish there was a way to just make it stop.

You have pretty much summed up a normal day for me. My day started at 2am, Blondie is playing Dreaming on loop in my head, unfortunately I wasn’t dreaming. Listened to podcasts until 7am when it’s then time to get up, that’s while I’ve also done all of today’s tasks in my head. Sorry missed out anxiety, always present as well. Anxiety is the gift that keeps on giving.

my mother has made repeated suicide attempts throughout my life, always sleeping tablets, she only told me recently that she never wanted to die, in her words,” I just wanted it all to stop.”

Autism does give me strengths to do  tasks that normies  struggle with, unfortunately Mother Nature has to address the balance and take something else.

I enjoy your jokes Steven,  don't apologise, and please don't stop. Like I said, you remind me of me. I think I'm still masking here, I'm too used to being acutely aware of how annoying people can find me.

Only I could stupidly joke about serious matters.

*facepalms* 

Sorry, P.

You know, I could be!

Trying to puzzle things out, myself included, has been a constant for as long as I can remember. Getting into a philosophical debate with myself is something I enjoy, I love that kind of working things out. But everytime I turn it onto myself I end up in a bad place, confused, frustrated and anxious.

I keep trying meditation, and I do enjoy it, when I'm not distracted and forget all about it. I go from hyper focus on something, to rapid bouncing about different things, then into hyper focus again. Like my brain goes through sudden quantum leaps, stays still for a few weeks or month, then brings about again for a bit.

Trying to puzzle things out, myself included, has been a constant for as long as I can remember. Getting into a philosophical debate with myself is something I enjoy, I love that kind of working things out. But everytime I turn it onto myself I end up in a bad place, confused, frustrated and anxious.

I keep trying meditation, and I do enjoy it, when I'm not distracted and forget all about it. I go from hyper focus on something, to rapid bouncing about different things, then into hyper focus again. Like my brain goes through sudden quantum leaps, stays still for a few weeks or month, then brings about again for a bit.