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Monotropic thoughts?

sphynx

Hi everyone, 
I've struggled for years with constellations of persistent thoughts centred around particular topics. They're often unhealthy - for example when they're focused for weeeks around particular people I really care about who can and will never feel the same way about me. At times these thoughts stop me from focusing on other things that need my attention, because I can't shift my mind from its topic. Is this monotropism? I'm wondering if anyone here has found strategies that have helped with shifting the 'stuckness' of the thoughts? Thanks in advance for any ideas.

  • in reply to Mariusz

    Regarding your point about double empathy, they're both either confirmed or have high likelihood of being autistic, so (my imposter syndrome aside) that doesn't really apply. Why they don't return my affections is a complicated one, too big to open up here. I don't think I'm choosing to invest this much in them. But at the same time, they're amazing people who deserve to be valued in this way. One of them I can't cut off for complex reasons, and the other I could but don't know how, and don't want to risk the potential consequences. (Apologies, this is intentionally vague.) Not sure if that makes sense? Sorry, I'm conscious of rejecting everyone's suggestions and want to be clear that I do really appreciate all your input.

  • in reply to Glitter
    Glitter said:
    Wjat helps me us indulging my focussed interests. 

    The only other solution I found is to cut off the source,

    But since you said you care about the source a lot, it's out of question

    why it happens? apparently it makes us anxious for one of many reasons, most often it's uncertainty, we don't know what to expect and we know we will have to face it again

    your case it's probably questioning your reasoning because they don't return your affection, why they don't? maybe you shouldn't invest so much into them?

    maybe it's our subconscious mind warning us about source? Double empathy often makes our conscious  judgement in regard to motivations of others incorrect.

    I reckon putting oneself forcefully to sleep would work too, but I don't want to take sleeping pills

  • in reply to Glitter

    Letting the thoughts be there and recognising their transience is wise advice. For me though, they tend to be fixated enough for this to feel very hard to grasp.
    Immersing your mind in interests - that makes sense too. One of mine at the moment is complex trauma which, while it's deeply meaningful on many levels and has a kind of urgency for me right now, isn't always the best distraction. But it can help to redirect attention there. Sadly that's not always an option though :( 

  • I've experienced the same things myself.  Wjat helps me us indulging my focussed interests.  They are the only thing that absorbs me enough to take me away from that unhealthy fixations.

    And sometimes I just let myself go through the thoughts, knowing that they are transient and don't signify as much as they feel like they do at the time.

  • in reply to Shardovan

    Thanks so much Shard - I felt vulnerable about sharing this, (took me several days) so I totally understand not being up to sharing more yet. But it's good to find someone else who can relate. I'll be here for further discussion whenever you're ready for that.  

  • I can relate to this massively. I don’t feel quite up to saying more just now, but I would like to when I am. Great topic, and you’ve described the phenomenon very well. I’d say it must indeed be monotropism that affects us in this way.