Published on 12, July, 2020
Deleted
@out_of_step, thank you so much. You gave me a precious insight, even more importantly a reason why some things were happening.
My wife indeed tends to avoid talking about difficult situations. Very rarely did she address an issue herself. I had a feeling it's always me who needs to take the initiative. It has been difficult for me to accept her avoiding. then, things don't get solver and then.... well then... When my wife had a meltdown, I was being blamed for almost anything and everything under the sun, including for things done by myself in her favor. I can still remember nasty things I heard. Make no mistake, I'm a big man, not a whiny nagging husband. But when meltdowns happened I was at times shocked about the disrespect and nastiness of the words said. I don't think this is good for any marriage.
My problem is, I have a very good memory. I remember numbers, people, faces and words. That works great in my professional life but in marriage It seems this works against me.
I reached a point when I was juggling with the idea not to take her seriously anymore, simply because I was used to hearing at times outright ridiculous accusations (that I knew were factually wrong and provenly not true). But I decided to take her seriously. Because I married a smart girl who I respect. I think it's reasonable to expect the same for me.I was missing and still am missing regular open talks about our "state of the union". So to prevent the build up. I would like to have a constant open channel. But I see how difficult that is for my wife. She simply avoids solving the conflicts. And so they are frequently shrugged under the rug.
Anyway, reading what you write, I see I should have been more forgiving.
Even when I get my wife to agree that for example we're gonna talk about something the next day, she kind of "forgets" it. I need to actively remind her what we agreed to. I'm just missing this emotional reciprocity.
I don't have a solution to that. Any recommendations?
Mark