I'm a 19 year old uni student in the process of getting an Aspergers and ADHD diagnosis. I've struggled socially my entire life in secret. This summer- after going through a particularly bad period of depression- it was bought to my attention that I probably have aspersers and that bought me so so much clarity. I am forever grateful to my psychiatrist.
I'm still quite new to the prospect; I don't like talking to anyone I know about my issues, not my parents, not my family. My best mate knows a bit about my current issues but not more than I'll let on. It kind of leaves me with no one at the moment, and I understand that's my fault but most of the people around me don't really understand autism. I'm also just generally not good at talking about my feelings.
My friendship group from secondary school completely fell apart last year, almost all but 1 of them were neurotypical. I was always the one to make plans, but towards the end a few of them started going out without me. This hurt a lot as I was trying so hard to keep everyone together. I'm still friends with a few but not as a group anymore. I'm in my second year of university now and finding it particularly hard socially. Last year was especially challenging as I wasn't aware I probably have aspersers. I just found that I wasn't really being invited to much, lots of people I was trying to be friends with just didn't reciprocate the effort and I never understood why- because like most girls with Asperger I try so bloody hard to be likable. I found a few good friends (most being neuro-divergent) but all the groups fell apart by second year, so I found a couple more groups. Almost every single one of my good friends from last year have dropped out of uni for one reason or another. This doesn't leave me with many people left. The friends that I found this year are just amazing but I think they're much closer with other people. Without going into the whole sob story, my main issue is: I just don't really get invited anywhere.
I do not blame anyone for this at all, I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. The people I am friends with don't really invite me out much, so I am the one always making the plans in the end and it feels like no one wants to be around me. I have many friends but yeah. People tend to say 'we should hang out soon' and obviously I agree but nothing ever comes out of it. I am always the one to make plans, and when I don't I'm just not invited anywhere.
For example, I was invited to celebrate my friends birthday, but then plans got ruined. She still went out with other friends but I wasn't invited. She said she'd like to go out with me some other time though. I am always the one to ask people if they're going to certain events, and then they say yes and then I have to ask if I can join. They don't invite me, I have to ask. People say we should hang out but then never ever make plans with me. Sometimes when I do make plans with groups of people, everyone cancels at the very last minute. A lot of the time plans will be made IN FRONT OF MY FACE but I won't be invited.
No body ever makes plans with me. I feel so alone. It just feels like no one wants to be around me.
I've tried so hard to find friends, I've tried so hard to come across as cool and likeable, I try so hard in general just to have friends. I'm constantly trying, and it takes everything from me. I mask like there's no tomorrow. And its quite odd because despite probably having autism i'm a social butterfly, I hate being alone so being alone all the time really is not the vibe. I just want to be liked, and I want to have friends who like me. Without going into it too much, obviously this really really hurts and has detrimental affects on my mental health lol. I've deleted all of my social media platforms because it wasn't good for me to see who was with who and up to what.
I've struggled with this for years. If anyone has any advice on how to get invited to things that would be greatly appreciated.
Best wishes
