Hi, guys so um as you all now noticed I was offline for quite over 2 weeks well I think it's time for me to explain what happened. It wasn't just my suicidal feelings it was more than that nearly ended up getting arrested for writing a suicide note to HANNAH(MY OLD SOCIAL SERVICES NOW SHE IS NO LONGER WITH ME). Basically, last week wasn't a good week I'm just going to explain or show you all what happened which I can't sadly Tuesday I um well didn't listen to my lecturer we were making um lasagna and I didn't put all the ingredients in then got into a f********** fight with my bully named CHANTELLE. Wednesday it was my mom and also my thoughts and I shouted STFU to my friend accedintly and Tuesday night I sent a suicide note to Hannah this was mainly my 3 different personalities I explained this to MRS martin Lauren and Katie and my mh team my f********** friend holly that she blocked me. Yeah. IK it's late at night so I'll check your guy's messages end of next week probably just because I got one last exam and that's it . I didn't act stupid on MONDAY THURSDAY AND FRIDAY AT LEAST. MY 3 DIFFERENT PERSONALITIES ARE SUICIDE (IT'S THE WORST IT PRACTICALLY TELLS ME TO DO SUICIDE FROM THE SUICIDE NOTE I FOUND OVER A MONTH AGO FR NOT IN MY NIGHTMARE THIS TIME) ANGER ( TELLS ME TO PLAN HORRIBLE STUFF TOWARD PEOPLE I HATE THE MOST NOT JUST INCLUDING MY LECTURERS BUT OTHER PEOPLE) HAPPY( OH HOW STUPID WHEN I SAY THIS HAPPY ONE IS THE WORST IT PRACTICALLY TELLS ME TO DO STUPID STUFF EVERY WEEK IDK LIKE WHAT) I EXPLAINED ALL THIS TO MRS MARTIN YESTERDAY AND LAUREN AND ALSO KATIE BUT I'M SORRY THIS WAS NOT MY FAULT BLAME MY FRIEND WHO BROKE UP WITH ME AND ALSO MY INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS. LAUREN EVEN TOLD ME WHAT I SHOULD DO BUT UM I DIDN'T LISTEN TO HER AND NOW I PRACTICALLY IDK WHAT TO DO TO KEEP MYSELF ALIVE. EVEN THOUGH I AM STILL ALIVE. ALSO NOW I HAVE THESE PEOPLE LAUREN(MENTOR) MRS MARTIN(SCHOOL) KATIE(COUNSELLOR) MH TEAM(EASTWOOD MH) SAMARITANS, HOPELINE, YM, SHOUT, ART THERAPIST(NEW ONE FROM YCSA), HANNAH( IDK SHE FINISHED WITH ME BUT I STILL TALK TO HER) EMMA(IDK WHY SHE HELPS ME PUT THE RIGHT PEOPLE FOR MY EXAMS) EDDIE(MY MH PERSON IN COLLEGE BUT I HAVEN'T SPOKEN TO HIM FOR SO LONG NOW) yeah only 2 stuff are fixed I passed my exam i failed in December and I finally got my laptop back that was hacked for some time and I got a new phone finally yeah I'm crying now thinking about death in my bed gn guys .
i totally forgot to say i got a CPN NOW HER NAME IS LUCY SHE WILL HELP ME WITH DBT(WHATEVER THAT IS) AND REGULATING MY SUICIDAL IDEATION THOUGHTS YEAH.
ps:( i um well my account is back on my mh channel togetherall finally I don't use them though anymore)
ps( got a psychiatrist appointment with my mh team on the 6th Feb and cpn appointment on 14th holiday)
