Approaching a dual referral ASD/ADHD

Hi everyone, 

my question is how do you breach the subject with your family to ask what you was like as a child? 

My family have never really spoken about our emotions (well me, my brother and my father anyway) my mum occasionally joking saying she wishes she had a daughter to talk to, as the 3 men in her life all just give 1 word answers.

how’s work “good”, how was your night out “okay” which we’re all pretty guilty of. 

My father has lost contact with all his family and has no friends just our family, my brother is mid 30’s has never had a relationship and barely leaves the house unless it’s for work or to help my mum with shopping. I think I’ve broken the chain in the essence of moving out with my partner and being more sociable (although I need a lot of rest the next day after nightspot which is more than a hangover) but my day to day struggles are a lot more noticeable now my mum doesn’t do my washing, ironing, lunches for work and family dinners. (Which she still does for my brother who still lives at home, I’m only now coming to realise this probably isn’t a regular occurrence for people our age)

Anyway I’ve broached the subject with 2-3 people I trust only after 6-12 months of research but my family I can’t seem to do it. I’ve been meaning to do it before my first GP appointment so had 4 weeks to do it but I couldn’t pluck up the courage/ it felt too awkward. I got the referral from the GP without their input but I fell I’ll need it for the full scale assessment.

so basically I went home last weekend with the sole intention to ask my mother “what I was like as a child?” As I only remember fragments but once again I couldn’t do it. If I can’t even bring myself to ask that, how am I ever going to breach the subject of the actual referral?? 

it’s making me anxious slightly now as it’s the missing piece of the puzzle but I can’t bring myself to talk on the topic. Has anyone else experienced anything similar???? 

Parents
  • HI M11, sounds tricky.
    I don't have any parents left to ask, and sure as hell wasn't going to ask my brother, so instead I managed to get hold of my old school reports.

    It was full of descriptions and comments of Neurodiverse behaviours - which in the end I didn't share with my diagnosis clinician because I only got them out of the loft after the interview. I have to admit being disappointed on not being the genius I felt I was, and being older and more experienced at the sort of things people write without saying them directly - I can read a bit better between the lines now - especially as I was looking with an ASD lens. but nobody else managed to put the whole picture together for me then, but it is as clear as day now.

    To be honest once you get more of a hang of "seeing" your own behaviour in the context of an ASD lens - past events will start to click into place like a difficult jigsaw and you will have those "ah ha moments" (and some "oh no!"), so hang in there and be kind to yourself when these moments are relived - remember you've lived through them once - you can live through them again.

    So perhaps just ask for your old school reports as a starter ? just bluff and say you just wanted to check your memory on something (you don't have to say "all of it"!).

    Good luck !

Reply
  • HI M11, sounds tricky.
    I don't have any parents left to ask, and sure as hell wasn't going to ask my brother, so instead I managed to get hold of my old school reports.

    It was full of descriptions and comments of Neurodiverse behaviours - which in the end I didn't share with my diagnosis clinician because I only got them out of the loft after the interview. I have to admit being disappointed on not being the genius I felt I was, and being older and more experienced at the sort of things people write without saying them directly - I can read a bit better between the lines now - especially as I was looking with an ASD lens. but nobody else managed to put the whole picture together for me then, but it is as clear as day now.

    To be honest once you get more of a hang of "seeing" your own behaviour in the context of an ASD lens - past events will start to click into place like a difficult jigsaw and you will have those "ah ha moments" (and some "oh no!"), so hang in there and be kind to yourself when these moments are relived - remember you've lived through them once - you can live through them again.

    So perhaps just ask for your old school reports as a starter ? just bluff and say you just wanted to check your memory on something (you don't have to say "all of it"!).

    Good luck !

Children
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