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Autism Facebook groups - Parents v Adults

stranger

When I say "adults", I mean people on the spectrum.

I have just been kicked out of a Faceboook group which is mostly populated by parents of children on the spectrum. No PM explaining why and no warning.

It seems as though you can't ask questions without being accussed of having a go at someone / upsetting them. I was then told off for arguing. My crime? Explaining why sometimes, there are people on these groups who either don't have Autism or don't have children on the spectrum. That is not arguing.

I also found that I was largely ignored on this group and was more of a "what am I entitled to, now that my child has Autism?" group, rather than actually supporting people and giving advice. They started to approve posts and it seemed that parents could rant about whatever and post whatever they wanted. But I couldn't.

It seems there's a divide between parents whose children are on the spectrum and adults on the spectrum.

Anyone else noticed this?

Parents

  • I think there's more to it than embarrassment. Two things particularly:

    We are somehow responsible for our continued difficulty - like we rejected the efforts of our parents to change, or have some other "defect" that prevented us benefitting from the good intent (or maybe we were the kids that stayed awake and saw Santa).

    Secondly NT's don't like to do anything that's perceived as embarrassing. Its like not crying in public. Because NTs (I use this carefully to mean people not affected by being on the spectrum) seek social approval, there are things you just don't do as that risks social disapproval.

    People on the spectrum have difficulty engaging socially, so we don't enjoy the security of social acceptance. Nor can we readily recognise what is acceptable and what obtains disapproval unless it is explained to us sympathetically and helpfully. Otherwise the notion of acceptability is hard to grasp.

    So when we act consequentially of factors in autistic make-up and fail to restrain ourselves, or we make out we are on the spectrum, we are showing a lack of self respect and dignity - something an NT just wouldn't do. We also appear wilful and insensitive. This may underlie the reactions of health workers. We aren't trying hard enough to control our weaknesses.

    Trouble is for the human race to survive, increasing progress and readjustment means that this play safe social acceptance taboo is self-destructive.

    It is actually important that more people risk social approval in order to achieve change.

    Parents with children on the spectrum hope their children will recover but also that they wont "let the side down" show weakness, risk social disapproval. I suspect it is that more than the welfare of their children (however cruel that sounds) which is uppermost in their minds.

    People who don't hold in their weaknesses and don't conform socially are wifull and bad.

    Personally I take the view that this blinkered "I'm alright jack" perspective that comes from many NTs isn't just hard on people on the spectrum, it is detrimental to the future of the human race.

Reply

  • I think there's more to it than embarrassment. Two things particularly:

    We are somehow responsible for our continued difficulty - like we rejected the efforts of our parents to change, or have some other "defect" that prevented us benefitting from the good intent (or maybe we were the kids that stayed awake and saw Santa).

    Secondly NT's don't like to do anything that's perceived as embarrassing. Its like not crying in public. Because NTs (I use this carefully to mean people not affected by being on the spectrum) seek social approval, there are things you just don't do as that risks social disapproval.

    People on the spectrum have difficulty engaging socially, so we don't enjoy the security of social acceptance. Nor can we readily recognise what is acceptable and what obtains disapproval unless it is explained to us sympathetically and helpfully. Otherwise the notion of acceptability is hard to grasp.

    So when we act consequentially of factors in autistic make-up and fail to restrain ourselves, or we make out we are on the spectrum, we are showing a lack of self respect and dignity - something an NT just wouldn't do. We also appear wilful and insensitive. This may underlie the reactions of health workers. We aren't trying hard enough to control our weaknesses.

    Trouble is for the human race to survive, increasing progress and readjustment means that this play safe social acceptance taboo is self-destructive.

    It is actually important that more people risk social approval in order to achieve change.

    Parents with children on the spectrum hope their children will recover but also that they wont "let the side down" show weakness, risk social disapproval. I suspect it is that more than the welfare of their children (however cruel that sounds) which is uppermost in their minds.

    People who don't hold in their weaknesses and don't conform socially are wifull and bad.

    Personally I take the view that this blinkered "I'm alright jack" perspective that comes from many NTs isn't just hard on people on the spectrum, it is detrimental to the future of the human race.

Children
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