Published on 12, July, 2020
...of being autistic.
Just finished a short online meeting, where I didn't have to do much except say one thing for AOB at the end. Thankfully meetings are rare in my job, just every couple of months. But by the end of this thing, I was so tense in my core that I had to lie on my bed for five minutes to relieve the intense pain. Never sure if the online ones are better or worse than in person. Maybe better. I don't have to repress a stim, it's out of frame!
I'm doubly sure when someone does smalltalk with me such as cashier's, postman, random bystander and all I can do is say yes and no. Conversation ended in less than 30 secs. And I'm left with that "yep you're autistic mate". In my defence though smalltalk is a waste of good energy and valuable air
I feel intelligent enough to figure out a way to reply better to "small talk", but I realise that I don`t feel a need to waste energy in doing so!! I know when I speak on the phone I am SO much worse. I can hear myself and hear that I am completely incompetent/incapable/inadequate in doing this!!