Should I get a second opinion?

Hi, I’m just so angry how you have been treated. Anxiety does affect a lot of autistic people from birth, it’s because we are born with autism at the same time! I will glance at people when they are talking to me, it’s for their benefit, not mine. How many times has someone said,” look at me when I’m talking to you.” I will laugh if someone makes a joke, sometimes, I have found it funny and laughed, other times I’ve laughed because I see others do it and know it’s expected. I’m very surprised they didn’t expect you to be mute and rock backwards and forwards, did they bring leaches with them? I’m so glad you have the support of your family, you have got to challenge this, it’s not how a team who specialise in autism should be  assessing people. The stress of waiting for 3 years is intolerable, it’s similar to competing at The Olympics, you wait and prepare as much as you can and it then boils down to one day, that on its own causes us to act differently and mask in front of strangers.Your parents have even demonstrated that your behaviour goes back to early developmental years. Please keep us all posted on how this all progresses.  I’ve got an NHS assessment coming up hopefully in the next year, I just dread that I will be treated the same.

I wish you luck in your own assessment. I'm just currently waiting for private assessors to get back to me. Me and my parents have just be talking about the rubbish this guy said since yesterday basically.

Apparently because I could do the ADOS test without havings basically tics where I shout something completely irrelevant to the situation, that's also evidence I'm not autistic. I don't know what's wrong with this service because they said they use the usual guidelines but the things they are saying seem to only apply to autistic people with really high support or just completely outdated. 

I wish you luck in your own assessment. I'm just currently waiting for private assessors to get back to me. Me and my parents have just be talking about the rubbish this guy said since yesterday basically.

Apparently because I could do the ADOS test without havings basically tics where I shout something completely irrelevant to the situation, that's also evidence I'm not autistic. I don't know what's wrong with this service because they said they use the usual guidelines but the things they are saying seem to only apply to autistic people with really high support or just completely outdated. 

Unfortunately, there are some assessment centres who only assess on the basis of how disruptive or 'difficult' a neurodivergent person is from the point of view of society - ie neurotypical society - at large. If an autistic person can cope in society, and is not prone to antisocial behaviour, they do not consider them autistic enough for diagnosis. This ignores the fact that the autistics who can function in society often pay the greatest price in poor mental health and exhaustion.

If I were in the same position, I'd try to understand the motive(s) behind such attitudes. These, I think, can range from a kind of vanity on their part, to an understandable anxiety about your future well-being or their own. For example, if their attitudes are - in the wider scheme of things - fundamentally selfless then I'd find it reasonably easy to understand and forgive. Some parents' care is hidden behind seemingly kneejerk bluster; a bluster that obscures what it really is at heart: worry.

I think your right, my parents are  the ‘boomer generation’, I would have got the same response if I had come out as gay to them, “there’s no way I’ve given birth to a child like that.” All square pegs will fit into a round hole! We often get accused of liking everything to be the same or routine, it’s NT parents who want all children to be the same,  we fully accept how different we all are.

I am sorry about your difficulties, mate.

I guess people have all sorts of reasons for these denials or dismissals. I get the impression that some of them are trying hard to convince themselves.

It is quite common, some parents believe that we are attacking their parenting skills. I’ve tried with my mother but it is just pointless, I was told that autistic people don’t talk and stare at walls. I’ve tried educating and drip feeding. I didn’t have the parental form filled out as I knew it would be from a hostile whiteness. None of my family know I am going through assessment. The only place I talk freely is on here, I don’t still let my wife fully in.

It's really great that your parents are on your side, Kyle.  Sadly, we so often read on here about members' struggles to gain their relatives' support. I realise that I'm biased but I feel that their opinions are rarely honest, as if they're either in denial or are looking for a convenient excuse to disbelieve the person or even to doubt that Autism is a real phenomena.

Thanks, I think a private assessment is going to be  more positive and in the long run less stressful. The NHS assessors will close ranks, they will report to their superiors with all well written facts and figures. I’m planning on moving to another county within the next year, probably about 200 miles from where I am now, I would have to start again and have to be referred again and join the bottom of another waiting list. I’ve decided to use some of the money from the house sale and seek a private assessment. It just depends if the NHS appointment happens first. Good luck going forwards.