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The Trouble with Faces

Steven

I nearly always use examples in threads like these. This isn't only because I struggle to communicate clearly (and so using examples is a kind of shortcut, and better than my usual billion-word meandering) but also because I don't know any autistic people except for the good folks on this board; so your advice, insights, and details of your experiences - perhaps similar to the ones I'm going to mention - might help & inform us all and not just me. I realise that difficulties with facial recognition aren't uncommon in autistic people, but thought it'd be useful for us to relate our own particular problems. Here goes:

* A standard newspaper feature about, say, an actor. It's often an interview and, as a reader, I am used to the typical format of such articles. Pieces like this are sometimes accompanied by photo-shoot pictures in which the actor wears different, fashionable clothes in each image and, perhaps, has their hair styled or 'posed' slightly differently in each photo. Let's say there are four pix. My difficulty is this: my mind struggles to accept that it's the same actor in every picture - even though I pretty much know it's the same person all along, I still feel certain that it *must* be four different people...because three of them now look different to the person in the first photograph.

* It's natural and understandable to expect someone we haven't seen for ages to look the same as when we last met. It's the kind of unthinking assumption which might be common to most people. But I literally expect these familiar folks to look exactly the same as before, even if thirty years have passed; and if they *don't* look the same then I struggle to believe it's really them (thankfully, I don't feel paranoid about them or feel threatened but only very confused). 

* Recently, I had a long interview - around two-and-a-half hours - at close quarters with two people. It was pretty much face-to-face. This was less than three weeks ago, but now I've forgotten what those others looked like...I can only remember that one of them had a beard. This isn't an ideal situation because I have another appointment with the two people coming up. My memory is generally poor anyway. I can hardly say to the receptionist: "Hi, my name is Simon I'veforgottenmyownsurname and I'm here to see Mr Beard and the Invisible Woman...you know - the one who probably has hair."

I never mean to write so much, and I apologise for doing so again. What are your own experiences?

  • in reply to Sporadic Sparkly
    Sporadic Sparkly said:
    see someone that I recognise, but I don't know where I know them from and it momentarily throws me.

    This is PRECISELY me at least 50% of my encounters.  It can be more embarrassing for me because I often cannot place them until they tell me - people with whom I have sat for hours with at one of my very rare social gatherings.....a matter of days earlier !

    Perhaps more seriously, and interestingly, names for people is genuinely a diagnostic "thing" with me.  This thread has really got me thinking thinking now.......thanks Simon for starting this.

    Can I have my autisitic membership card back now please - because I'm good at faces AND retarded at names?!  

  • Steven said:
    "Hi, my name is Simon I'veforgottenmyownsurname and I'm here to see Mr Beard and the Invisible Woman...you know - the one who probably has hair."

    When I originally read this sentence, I was laughing so much that I was gasping for breath. In my mind, I was trying to imagine how the receptionist might react if you were to actually say those words... Rather like a scene from a comedy sketch. I admire the ability you seem to possess of using your self-deprecating sense of humour to get the point across.

    I generally don't seem to have issues with facial recognition, unless I happen to see people that I consider to bear a striking resemblance to each other. A classic example of this is when Katherine Parkinson and Amanda Abbingdon appeared together in a Maltesers advert several years ago. It seems I wasn't alone in thinking they were sisters.

    One faux pas I repeatedly make though is when female friends or relations have visited a hair salon, and will ask, "So, what do you think of my hair?" Now, I know that I am obviously meant to say something along the lines of, "You look amazing. That style really suits you!" Unless their hair has been dyed a completely different colour, or their hairstyle has drastically changed, I just don't notice.

    Similar to , I can sometimes struggle to put a name to the face. There can also be instances when I might see someone that I recognise, but I don't know where I know them from and it momentarily throws me. For example, a friend had invited me and my son on a day trip to Weston-Super-Mare... A distance of approximately 100 miles from where I live, and not where I had been expecting to bump into a woman that worked at my local convenience store.

  • in reply to heartcooksbrain
    heartcooksbrain said:
    Either way, it's reassuring to know I'm not the only one

    Oh dear.....where does that leave me?!  So far, I seem to be the only one that has reported faces to be no problem.  If feel "NT shamed"! lol.

  • all the time. I look different so they have an unfair advantage, it's easier to pick me out of a crowd in the first place. And then I feel bad when they're upset that I don't know who they are

    Sometime I think the reason I can eventually talk to other odd people is only because I can recognize them. Normal people all look the same to me, and I would have to rely on, for example, the color of their jacket, or the place I would always see them. So I'd be screwed if I ran into eg the librarian at the grocery store, or someone at work bought a new coat. But I also think odd looking people are more interesting anyway, and maybe that's why I can remember them. Also they're less likely to just bail if I say something weird, which is always. Maybe subconsciously there's more reward for recognizing them (it's def not intentional)

    Either way, it's reassuring to know I'm not the only one

  • in reply to Roy

    This is going to sound ridiculously pretentious and poetic, even though it's simply my best way to describe my patchy process of memory:

    That process is a bit like certain scenes from a Malick film (like scenes from 'The Thin Red Line'): instead of solid memories of someone I care or cared about, instead these are novelistic, fleeting and elusive 'moments in love'. For instance, the slo-mo memory of hair falling into place rather than the full details of that person's hair (or face or actions or words or whatever). All that sounds romantic and charming but, really, wistful daydreaming is no practical aid in everyday living.

    Typically cack-handed controversial opinion: maybe the reason that some autistic people fall so easily & readily in love is because we can't accurately distinguish between people...and so we fall for whoever reminds us of affections now past.

  • I have the same issue, my facial recognition of people is quite poor. I had someone talking to me a few weeks ago and he spoke as if we knew each other. I just went along with it. He put his cap on when leaving and I then immediately recognised him. Faces are immediately forgettable, I couldn’t tel you the colour of my wife or children’s eyes. The one thing I notice about people is that most have two faces.

  • Many thanks for your fantastic posts, everyone. Slight smile

    I was wondering if there were many reasons for our difficulties regarding recognition, or just one (perhaps the reason is purely neurological, for instance?). Miss Williams eloquently wrote about her struggle in accepting change, and this common difficulty seems to me to be at least the hidden heart of this matter. Everything is a matter of degree - we autists try to retain control of our stability by resisting change, and - supposedly on the opposite side of the 'spectrum' - people who definitely don't consider themselves autistic routinely seek solutions to problems and mysteries in one, single conclusion...and, ironically, that supposedly non-autistic compulsion to find a single answer could be framed as a similarly desperate need for stability and control.

    We are all lost and, whether we are outright autistic or what passes for 'normal', we scrabble around for the comfort and familiarity of answers which assure us that we are not lost but, instead, in the security of 'home'...even as, knowingly or otherwise, we fool ourselves that we're safe and sure and stable again. It's human nature to seek control, and even the most 'healthy' of lost people unconsciously cling on to virtually any passing driftwood; we are little different to them.

  • I have trouble with faces too.

    If I'm watching a film or drama and there are different characters with similar build and hairstyles I mix them up all the time. Sometimes I have to keep rewinding and replaying to try and work out who is who. Sometimes I have to just give up as I have 'lost the plot' Upside down

    Characters and people changing as they age is another thing I struggle with too. I was watching a documentary last night about Alan Hull (Lindisfarne) and I struggled to be able to recognise him in all the clips they were showing, at various times in his life and musical career. The hair and clothes kept changing too much and it was confusing me.

    If I see a person I recognise in the location and context I am used to seeing them then I am more likely to recognise them. However away from their usual habitat I may think they look vaguely familiar but struggle to remember where I know them from.

    I have had numerous instances in the past where people have approached me and claimed to know me from school / college / work etc. I genuinely have no recollection of who they are, even after they have explained where they know me from Confused

  • Steven said:
    I don't know any autistic people except for the good folks on this board

    It's the same for me.

    I have the same problem with faces too, and it happens I see a person I came to see again and I cannot recall their look, and I'm not sure if I saw that person previously.

    But I developed a way to diminish that effect partialy. I'm sure you watch a lot of movies and TV series, so you must be aware that often the same actor plays different characters in different movies. That's the trick, You subconsciously compare those characters when watching. Sometimes it clicks, and you realise that boy in this movie, is the same person as boy in a different movie you saw last week. Two different characters, but the same person, very much like perople in real world, when they change, because of age, haircut, clothes.

  • Don’t apologise for your writing style - I love it, and the humorous details are something you have a real gift for. Even while making a more serious point you find touches of levity that make grappling with this stuff a little less gruelling. And that’s no small thing. 

    That thing about Mr Beard reminded me of seeing these things called Lego BrickHedz. They are minimalist depictions of famous characters. The Lord of the Rings ones have only eyes if clean shaven but then there are ones with a beard but no mouth. Kind of weird. 

  • I find faces complex. When I'm reading and the character is described and then I see a pic of them or them in the movie I can't accept there that character because they don't look right. I struggle to imagine how someone looks the description isn't enough for me to make the picture in my mind.I remember people I know how I first remember seeing them. As people grow older I struggle to accept their changes and struggle to identify them as my family. I remember my dad with black hair, he has none now and is older in the face and I can't see him as my dad anymore. It's more like a different person. I know he is my dad it's just I can't seem to come to terms with his appearance change. My little sister who was always small and blond is now tall and has black hair, no longer wears bright colours but black all the time. Her face is changed and again I struggle to recognise her as the same person. I can't help it it's who I am and what I do. I hate change. I like everything and everyone to stay the same the way I remember them being and looking. I struggle with the change in my own face, at times it's like a different woman looking back at me. I always think of myself looking like a young child but outwardly I've not looked like that for a long time.I realise this is a little different to you but thought I'd say. I don't think your alone in feeling the way you do.

  • I've got very acute facial recognition skills.  Can spot a familiar face in a film with no problem., even if I've only ever seen it once before, long long ago.  Young -v- old = no problem.  It's almost one of my superpowers (but not quite)......BUT...putting a name to that face virtually impossible for me.  Same in real life, putting a name to a face (and retaining that connection) is a very major problem to me.  Neighbours, people I work along with etc = all nameless faces to me.

  • Mine isn't quite as bad as that, but I once worked in a place where there were 3 young women of a similar build who all had long brown hair in a pony tail.  And it took me months to work out which was which.

  • One of the reasons I rarely watch films and TV is because so many actors look the same. Too much of my concentration goes on trying to figure out if two people appearing in different scenes are the same character dressed differently or two different characters.

    I usually do ok with people I know, although I occasionally get confused if they appear in a context I'm not expecting to see them in.