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The Christmas Rulebook

JT

It seems to be that there is expectation attached to Christmas, much bigger than any other time if the year.

I've just spent 5 days trapped in my partner's parents house, their expectation is that everyone wants to do this and, even though we barely see each other all year (because we have our own lives) that it can be assumed thay because it's Christmas we all unanimously want to sit in a room and talk for 5 days!?

Well I'm not ill, sick as a dog. I have IBD, which started to flare up on day 2. It was obvious to me that it was because I couldn't get away and was being bombarded with questions about my life, and my decisions/choices/plans etc.

I found it so stressful that I have dropped half a stone in the process.

Does anyone else feel there are rules assumed to be warranted over Christmas?? I feel like half the person I was before we left

Parents

  • I’m sorry you have had to go through this, it just seems to be a punishment that we have to get through. My partner’s parents are now thankfully no longer with us, at the end of a stay it felt like I had been in a whirlwind and totally exhausted. They would never stop talking, comments were made on everything. Even eating something like a boiled egg needed a conversation on how much nicer eggs are in Devon. A film couldn’t be watched as they would talk all the way through it. We didn’t discipline our children correctly and so it would go on. I found an outlet of walking into town and buying a newspaper, another is to have a headache and go to your bedroom for a couple of hours. Do your partners parents know how much energy it takes for an autistic person to answer questions for long periods? Is your partner able to deflect some of the onslaught.? It’s over now, try to rest and put it behind you.

  • in reply to Roy

    Thanks for the encouragement.

    The one positive is, I got through it and my partner saw the toll it took on me and noted 'we won't be doing Christmas like that again,'.

    It has left me wondering, in situations that suit NT and are clearly a nightmare for the ND minds, but that you are still expected to do, what is the option?

    I think part of this is caused by the masking I maintain. Onle 2 people know I'm on the spectrum so it is largely hidden from the rest of the family as they are elderly and won't understand what it means and will jump to conclusions I suspect

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  • in reply to Roy

    Thanks for the encouragement.

    The one positive is, I got through it and my partner saw the toll it took on me and noted 'we won't be doing Christmas like that again,'.

    It has left me wondering, in situations that suit NT and are clearly a nightmare for the ND minds, but that you are still expected to do, what is the option?

    I think part of this is caused by the masking I maintain. Onle 2 people know I'm on the spectrum so it is largely hidden from the rest of the family as they are elderly and won't understand what it means and will jump to conclusions I suspect

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