Hi there,
I have a toxic situation going on with family members like my cousins, aunts and some uncles.
This has been ongoing since I was little.
I have gone onto realise that a lot of them are narcissistic. As a child and adult I was made to feel like nothing, I was bullied, blamed etc. I was the scapegoat.
But the situation still goes on.
When I was able to move out on my own in the world I did, the family had put pressure on to my parent and I was split from them for a while. I seemed to be doing okay I joined some events and was making steps to make friends. But then I was back in touch with my parent whom I love very much, my parent is gentle and kind and gets walked over by the family all the time.
An older family member needs care, so my parent is caring for the by visiting a lot, but they only need this care because the person that lived there abandoned them!!! (a relative). even though it is that relatives place! anyway, it has meant that my parent is upset and phoning me all the time in tears. I have told them to go to different organisations that can help. my parent does not do this. The family have managed to manipulate things that means that my parent has not even been with me on several of my latest birthdays. It is heartbreaking.
The relatives and the situation made it that I had no choice recently to contact them and yet again I have been subjected to verbal abuses. I phoned one of them and they made me so nervous I was stuttering (I do not have a stutter) they were not nice on the phone.
I have now had no choice but to say to my parent that I have to reduce contact with my parent I am so upset and heart broken, but I cannot cope with the stress of this all. I have said to them again that if they can get in touch with someone else about the family, as I do not want anything to do with them. And that I have provided them with all the information for all organisations that can organise my elderly relatives care. (if I contacted these organisations the family would destroy me) I cant do this as I am not the one in charge.
I am heart broken my parent has chosen to keep with the elderly member, and to drop me. I thought that they would be arranging care, as this person needs care.
I am a gentle caring person, and this is not in my nature to walk away but I have too. I did say that I will text my parent each day to see they are okay.
But this has been all my life, it is always one situation or another that the family use to manipulate my parent and to target me. I cant be sucked into this all again. And they are using an elderly situation to do this again.
The elderly person is very stressed but has even said to me in the past that she is interested in my parent and not me.
Again, I do things for charities, I help people, once I saw a man who was holding on to a lamp he was old, and everyone pasted by him making fun of him thinking he was drunk. I was careful and asked if he was okay, he started crying saying he felt unwell and wanted to go home. I asked if he needed a doctor he said just to go home, so I got him into a taxi and the driver agreed to take him home. I waited till the taxi came back to the rank and I asked the driver if the man got home, he said he did and his son had just got home so they were okay.
I am not a shelfish person, I have tried and tried to help with the situation with my parent. But I am so fat now by stress eating, I have very little clothes that fit me, a whole wardrope of clothes I love that are too small (I cant afford the bigger sizes and as an autistic I fussy about my clothes). I am crying every day. And have been left on my birthdays crying.
What would you do?
Am I right to walk away from it all?
I tried my best.
I am a sheilder and cant go near people due to vulnerable with covid.
I have tried to be supportive.
This elderly person was once younger and fit, and even then I was always put to the side, I do not mind that but it was getting to the point I got depressed as a child.
Whole thing is toxic and weird.
I just want a quiet normal life and one or two friends.
I miss my parent, but I cant stay in a toxic situation,
I am heart broken.
I am a very empathic person, so it was so difficult walking away from this. I just did it yesterday, and it is so upsetting.
