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Advice on supporting someone - Christmas, travel, have feelings for them

NAS84038

Hi, seeking advice on situation. I have been distant friends (diagnosed ASD) for several years. Over the last 6 months they have been going through a difficult time and I've really tried to support them as best I can whilst maintaining a suitable distance. At points their mental health has been very low and believe I am the only person that they talk to about some topics (more recently they have also been going to therapy). However, as I've come to know them, we've spent more time together and both enjoyed ourselves I've developed feelings for him. My senses tell me that the feeling is mutual but he has never confirmed this and nothing physical has ever happened. Can feel tension between us and others have also noticed and asked if anything is going on. I tried to find the right time to tell him how I feel but it never seemed the right moment until last week. He has gone away for an extended Xmas/NYE break and realising how much I would miss him I decided to tell him when he was leaving. Knew he wasn't looking forward to the break but I didn't realise he was so anxious about travelling. Our last interaction was a disaster, I arrived the same time as his ride to the airport and felt terribly on the spot. I struggled to get any words out other than that I care a lot for him, feel that we are more than friends but not sure how he feels about me. He did hug me but the situation felt really awkward. I apologised via message and he did reply to say that he cares about me too, he was incredibly anxious about travelling and needed time to process everything. I felt awful that I had added to his list of things and replied to say that I was here for him, but wanted to respect his need for time/space and wouldn't contact him over the holidays which he agreed to. I don't know if this was the right thing to do as I've been his primary support network for the past 6 months and aware that this time of year is going to be difficult. I'm not sure if I should contact him? Or to respect the communication agreement? Or how to approach the situation going forward?

Thanks so much for any suggestions you might he able to offer.

Parents

  • I would say that as long as he has your number and can contact you if he needs to. You should leave it be until he returns back. Is he with family/friends? As long as you know he’s got good people around him then I wouldn’t worry. Yes the timing wasn’t great but I always think it is better to be honest with someone than not be. And is there ever a ‘perfect’ time to tell someone how you feel? It’s not like you said anything bad. You probably helped distract him from stressing about the trip so in a way it might have been helpful.

  • in reply to Jasmineb1999

    Maybe a day before he is due back you could message him, just ask whether you can meet him at the airport (or wherever appropriate.)

    Just don’t let it get awkward when he gets back, talk about it and move on in which ever direction it takes. He may like you but isn’t ready for a relationship. It’s a conversation that you will have to have. 

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  • in reply to Jasmineb1999

    Maybe a day before he is due back you could message him, just ask whether you can meet him at the airport (or wherever appropriate.)

    Just don’t let it get awkward when he gets back, talk about it and move on in which ever direction it takes. He may like you but isn’t ready for a relationship. It’s a conversation that you will have to have. 

Children