Hello
I am in the pipeline for an autism diagnosis, however I am yet to hear a response from my local autism service (beyond the initial "here is a questionnaire for you to complete").
I completed the RAADS-R, as requested, and upon doing so, I discovered the scoring for said test - my results seemed rather high (I stopped counting at 130 or so).
In the meantime, I have reached out to a fellow autistic on twitter, who suggested their GP indicated it was fine to self-diagnose as autistic in the interim. My GP interaction comprised a 10-minute phone call, followed by a referral form.
Recently, and after a lot of reflection, I "came out" at a work do (rather a lot of alcohol was consumed), and the responses were mixed: from the sympathetic "Do you want to come outside? It's a lot quieter... " (It was a very loud, unpalatable environment), to the inevitable "You ain't autistic!", and "Everyone is a little bit autistic!".
Later that evening, someone uttered the phrase "autistic {expletive}", but I cannot be certain of the context - not even sure it was directed toward me, other than I was the one who brought up the a-word at some point earlier in the evening.
I have an employee assistance service through work, but talking to someone - having to start from the beginning - is scaring me significantly, to the point of inaction.
I am married with a couple of teenage children, but things are significantly deteriorating at home. I was effectively told to cover up my anxiety attacks - it is upsetting the kids!
I am an intelligent, normally rational person, but I cannot convince my brain to seek help (beyond the initial GP referral).
I feel like a fraud.
After a year in my job, I plucked up enough to talk to my boss. He was sympathetic, and they have volunteered to pay for a private diagnosis, but the feelings of fraudulence is overpowering, so I have not taken up their generous offer.
With Christmas looming, my anxiety levels have become less than tolerable.
I need help, but interaction scares me.
