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I need to learn to just walk away. But it’s hard in the moment…

Oakling

As the title suggests, I had a bit of a meltdown when out shopping with my wife today. I stupidly misplaced my loop earbuds and, due to how stupidly busy today was, it inevitably lead to a complete sensory overload and a bit of a meltdown in a car park. My wife and I argued following this. For me, this is where the communication differences really are apparent. We were speaking the same language, but to very different effects. It wasn’t the greatest for either of us. We have since apologised to one another for our respective mistakes and as always, we’ll be okay. A genuine and mutual apology and hug goes a long way. 

During the argument, I did take myself off to the toilets for a quiet moment and immediately saw the situation a bit differently and was ready to try again. If I had done this sooner though, perhaps all of this could have been avoided. Now I’m left feeling tired, my face is hot and I can’t help but feel let down and cross with myself for not pausing at a more opportune moment. One day I’ll learn, but it looks like today wasn’t it. I’m also feeling a bit frustrated in the communication side of things. We really got our wires crossed. 

Parents

  • It’s a situation that quite a few of us find ourselves in around this time of year. I was in Tescos a couple of weeks ago and started to go into one. My wife saw the first signs of it and asked if I wanted to go and sit in the car. You noticed that things were taking a nosedive and took yourself out of the equation. I find that when I argue with my wife, it is normally down to me as I struggle to convey what I actually mean. The main thing is that you are recognising what ‘ pushes your buttons’

  • in reply to Roy

    I figured as much to be honest. It’s not a hugely autistic friendly environment. Perhaps I’m generalising there though. It’s certainly not the sort of environment I thrive in, that’s for sure.

    Roy said:
    I struggle to convey what I actually mean.

    This is a huge source of frustration for me. But it must be a two way street so to speak. It probably works both ways round sometimes. Although we argue at times, my wife is hands down the person who most tries to ‘get it’. This I have to recognise and appreciate.

Reply
  • in reply to Roy

    I figured as much to be honest. It’s not a hugely autistic friendly environment. Perhaps I’m generalising there though. It’s certainly not the sort of environment I thrive in, that’s for sure.

    Roy said:
    I struggle to convey what I actually mean.

    This is a huge source of frustration for me. But it must be a two way street so to speak. It probably works both ways round sometimes. Although we argue at times, my wife is hands down the person who most tries to ‘get it’. This I have to recognise and appreciate.

Children
  • in reply to Oakling

    It's funny you both should mention this because only the other day I saw a kid in the supermarket having a tantrum(?) and I say "tantrum(?)" because for some reason it only just occured to me to consider if those kids are just young and overwhelmed because that's standard stuff for small kids, or if they will potentially be diagnosed with ASC at some point in their life as they get older. But it didn't click as a possibility until I had a bizarre little flash back to being very young and just breaking down into unconsolable tears because it was late in the day, I was tired, the fluorescent lights hurt my eyes, and I had to walk on very short legs so x4 the distance all around the shop because my baby brother had the trolly seat.
    And it's a coincidence because now I think about it, I'm the exact same just older, my general cope levels are higher but that "energy bar" rapidly saps away under the right (or rather very wrong, bad circumstances) and the reasons underlying the meltdowns actually have hardly changed at all.

    Next time I see a tantruming toddler I'm just gonna lean over and say "I know buddy I hate it here too." XD