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I need to learn to just walk away. But it’s hard in the moment…

Oakling

As the title suggests, I had a bit of a meltdown when out shopping with my wife today. I stupidly misplaced my loop earbuds and, due to how stupidly busy today was, it inevitably lead to a complete sensory overload and a bit of a meltdown in a car park. My wife and I argued following this. For me, this is where the communication differences really are apparent. We were speaking the same language, but to very different effects. It wasn’t the greatest for either of us. We have since apologised to one another for our respective mistakes and as always, we’ll be okay. A genuine and mutual apology and hug goes a long way. 

During the argument, I did take myself off to the toilets for a quiet moment and immediately saw the situation a bit differently and was ready to try again. If I had done this sooner though, perhaps all of this could have been avoided. Now I’m left feeling tired, my face is hot and I can’t help but feel let down and cross with myself for not pausing at a more opportune moment. One day I’ll learn, but it looks like today wasn’t it. I’m also feeling a bit frustrated in the communication side of things. We really got our wires crossed. 

Parents

  • Aw I'm sorry you had a tough time of it. I understand that feeling (had quite a few similar incidences with my other half too) it's difficult though as sometimes I think we are so busy trying to just cope and squash it down that we don't realise the pressure had got to crisis point and then it feels like it breaks through unexpectedly. A friend of mine once said that we can build the awareness over time, and I think I have been getting better at it. It's about recognising the warning signs and making our exist to safety before they explode on us. But they are right it does take practice and a lot of self reflection and monitoring.
    It also takes quite a bit of courage I think to stop trying to be stoic and squash it down and admit to ourselves and our loved ones when actually we are getting overwhelmed and need to break away from the situation.
    I realise that's more of an observational anecdote than advice, but I hope it helps.

Reply

  • Aw I'm sorry you had a tough time of it. I understand that feeling (had quite a few similar incidences with my other half too) it's difficult though as sometimes I think we are so busy trying to just cope and squash it down that we don't realise the pressure had got to crisis point and then it feels like it breaks through unexpectedly. A friend of mine once said that we can build the awareness over time, and I think I have been getting better at it. It's about recognising the warning signs and making our exist to safety before they explode on us. But they are right it does take practice and a lot of self reflection and monitoring.
    It also takes quite a bit of courage I think to stop trying to be stoic and squash it down and admit to ourselves and our loved ones when actually we are getting overwhelmed and need to break away from the situation.
    I realise that's more of an observational anecdote than advice, but I hope it helps.

Children
  • in reply to 🐝 Bees 🐝 (they/them) Autism resources in bio #stoptheshock #NothingAboutUsWithoutUs

    Anecdotes are good in my eyes- anyone who can relate to the things I describe on here just helps to make me feel less alone. So thanks for taking the time to reply.

    I definitely think you are right though, working on reflection after each of these moments has made this sort of thing less frequent. Even in the couple of years I have experienced post diagnosis. Early days relatively speaking I suppose.

    At the moment, I’m finding it tricky to figure out the warning signs though, due to the fact that after the adrenaline has worn off, I struggle to accurately remember what happened in the build up or during. I’ll get there in time I suppose.