Any advice positive/negative would be appreciated…
I struggle to understand/read social queues and situations. Although I’ve never been diagnosed with autism, three of my brothers are and I highly suspect I am too. As I girl/women I have been masking it to fit in.
There was this situation that happened at work (I work in a supermarket) that caused me to have a panic attack. I heard two people talking about me. the timing was great as it was three day before my 23rd birthday. One of the people whose name starts with K I have had a crush on for ages but never told or would ever tell. And I’ve never told anyone about it And the other person whose name starts with L I did consider to be a friend.
The conversation that I overheard went like this:
L:have you spoken to her yet
K:no
L:are you going to
K:I’m not sure
L:why not
K: it’s just different now, I’m not used to see her without a mask (up until recently I still wore a face mask at work) and she’s older than me…she’s older than you.
(I am a year older than L 3 years older than K)
L:that’s true I forget that
K:can we stop talking about this now
L:ok
I didn’t know how to respond to hearing this. I wasn’t sure what they were talking about initially but I’m the only person who fits that description.
The shift then continued with me trying to stay as far away from them as possible. But they intentionally began working with me. It was the most uncomfortable situation I have ever been in. L kept nudging and jeering at k (as if to convince him to talk to me) Every time I was a distance away from them, they would whisper. He was like a deer in headlights and said nothing. He could see that this situation was hurting me. But did nothing to stop it. All he had to do was walk away. But no..this continued and by this point I was having to hide the fact that I was have a panic attack (as it reminded me of the bullying that I had experienced at school) and once I finally was able to get away from them I cried and kept crying for the rest of my shift and ages afterwards. I first thought that it was him saying that he liked me but after the horrid situation that he made no attempt to stop. I couldn’t see how that could be the case. I would never do that to him.
My sister works in the same supermarket and was so cross that they had acted this way that she approached K. My sister basically said to him ‘my sister overheard you and L talking about her last night’ implying that they were talking s**t about me. He apologised and said the conversation‘wasn’t like that’
But nearly two months on we haven’t discussed it. I could move on and accept it as one of those regrettable things but now it’s so awkward that we don’t even speak and the awkward silence is killing me. I don’t even feel I can walk past them anymore. And working with them is super hard. I overheard K ask L if I was ok (I am still able to talk to L as I never told her that I heard them talking about me) She said that I was fine but my anxiety was bad (which was a private conversation I had with her and I wanted to see whether she would tell him and she did) which proved in my mind how untrustworthy she was as that information was personal.
The awkwardness between me and k was getting better but then last night it was like a mini version of the whole thing again. But this time they had the conversation far way and I made sure I went nowhere near them! He still hasn’t tried to talk to me. it’s so weird that it’s been so long since it happened and I don’t know what I can do to make it better.
I still like K and know that he is normally one of the coolest people I have ever met but all I really want is to be able to go to work without having this awkwardness.
I am working with K tonight but L isn’t working. What would you recommend I do in this situation. If you need any more info to make a suggestion please just say.
Thanks and I’m sorry for rambling!
