Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello! New here, and newly diagnosed. I feel like I'm on a bit of a rollercoaster with the diagnosis. One minute fine; "well duh, it's obvious I'm autistic", the next just kinda sad or frustrated at things that have happened in the past that might have been different if I'd known.
One such thing is my career. I feel like I chose it in a very autistic way. It was strategic and made sense because I could see a neat row of dots which I could connect together to do "the right thing" for my family.. But I'd also dropped out of school at 12, so I had to complete five years of study to actually get to the job I had decided I was going to do. I hated every minute of my studies. Up to that point in my life I had always quit everything, and unfortunately for present-day-me this was the moment I decided I was going to change my ways. Eight years later, I am miserable.
In the last two years alone I've taken three extended periods of time off sick due to "mental health difficulties". I realise now it was likely burn out each time. I hit an all time low yesterday and nearly quit on the spot. I literally did no work all day, instead just talking myself down from acting impulsively. Today I have logged myself as absent and have already decided I won't work again this year. I have realised I need to change my job, and I need a bit of mental space to think about it. So I'm taking it.
I guess what I'm really curious to know is, is this... common? Or maybe just what are you experiences of the working world as autistic adults? How did you select your career path? Do you love your job? Did you get it "right" first time? If not, how did you go about switching? Is it possible that I'm always going to go through burnout cycles because finding jobs that carry any level of satisfaction is actually pretty unlikely? I do kind of feel like I'm just going to be miserable for the rest of my life no matter how hard or long I work to try and make things better.
Hi, I don't know if what I can offer as answers to your questions will be relevant or not. I have only experienced panic attack on perhaps two Ish occasions and not sure if that is a "burn-out" and my experiences are unique to my life.
"what are you experiences of the working world as autistic adults?": I'm a hands-on doer guy which is basically built on my own skills level, so working as a team effort has been alien to my work experience. I was able to interact briefly with colleagues through the many masks I adopted.
"How did you select your career path?": I knew at an early age that I would never be an academic tied to a work desk. So, complimented by a rare parental comment that I will never go hungry with a trade skill, I opted to join four years of formal training at city run automotive trade school in NYC. This is where I learned multi-skills in mechanics, auto electrics, metal working, hydraulics and troubleshooting. I was lucky to have such a facility.
"Do you love your job?" I have never chosen a job I did not feel comfortable with and yes one or two I did love and would have been happy to remain with until retirement.
"Did you get it "right" first time?": Almost! After graduating trade school, I foolishly thought I would like to teach there and went to a Teachers Training college. I treated college as my workplace but was like a fish out of water and lasted one year. After several months I finally landed a job with the New York Telephone company. They trained me up as an Equipment Repairman. I've always struggled in a classroom situation but managed to see it through. It turned into a job I truly loved when assigned to a Manhattan district. I was forced to join the Air Force to avoid being conscripted into the Army, and more than likely being sent to fight in the Vietnam conflict. My job was guaranteed on my return, so switching wasn't an issue ---at that particular time.
"Is it possible that I'm always going to go through burnout cycles" : Only you can answer that question because only you can know your own capabilities. I Think that is the bottom line here: know thyself
I don't know if there can be any "takeaway" for you from this. There are a few pseudo-intellects who may be able to answer your questions in a presumed technical jargon type language better than what I can, if that can be more helpful for you.