Published on 12, July, 2020
These questions presented themselves from within the recent tread about new users not responding to our writings or advice (originated within ‘Anybody need some advice from the voice of reason ?)
“Ghosting” is when someone just doesn’t respond to you at all despite you fully expecting them to do so, in any event. I would distinguish "ghosting" from blocking or outright ignoring someone. I would equate the feeling of "ghosting" to feeling like you have been overtly given the advice to "take the hint, mate."
I hate the experience…..SO many unanswered questions...and you should be polite and not push for an explanation? Right??
I have been very frustrated by people (mostly relatives) not answering my emails. Because now and then my email can go astray into a junk mail folder and then you are always wondering. I think people should always reply to a message, in some way or another, it's only courteous - but it seems like the culture now is that ignoring stuff is acceptable and you are meant to take the lack of reply as an answer????
You could well be right. The "swipe left" culture has become normalised in real life too perhaps.
I think that people in the autistic population probably do think in more detail about this sort of thing and that may be why some of us try so hard to answer messages and questions. Except if we're tired and overwhelmed, which can be often.
Helen said:Except if we're tired and overwhelmed, which can be often.
This is my problem. I can be keen to communicate, involved in a forum, a thread, an email conversation, but then get tired and/or overwhelmed so take a break and mean to get back to it and then it's been 3 days, a week, 4 months, a year and I realise I never got back to them and feel bad. Or I try to respond and somehow can't.
I tend to assume here that part of being unmasked is that folks will understand I don't mean to be rude if I don't reply. Because the pressure can get too much and I will stop engaging altogether.
It's happened on my other forum for a hobby. I like getting messages but a week ago I got too many and had to decide how to respond to some so I kind of shut down over it. The tabs are still open for me to reply and I still haven't! Now I'm worried those people might think it's deliberate! Which makes it harder for me to face dealing with. Oh the joys of the spectrum!
I hear you!
I'm definitely not a paragon of virtue when it comes to "ghosting" behaviours.....it is what I have learnt to be the norm and I've spent many years trying to master "norm" - but not so much anymore - hence why I raised the question about it!