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Ghosting - Presumably a more prevalent [or more fiercely felt] experience in the autistic population?

Number
over 1 year ago

These questions presented themselves from within the recent tread about new users not responding to our writings or advice (originated within ‘Anybody need some advice from the voice of reason ?)

“Ghosting” is when someone just doesn’t respond to you at all despite you fully expecting them to do so, in any event.  I would distinguish "ghosting" from blocking or outright ignoring someone.  I would equate the feeling of "ghosting" to feeling like you have been overtly given the advice to "take the hint, mate."

I hate the experience…..SO many unanswered questions...and you should be polite and not push for an explanation?  Right??

Parents
  • over 1 year ago

    I often feel like I'm being ghosted but then realise they have earbuds in, wireless earbuds are a huge mistake imo, I mean I get people try to come up and talk to me even when I visibly have wires so surely it's not just me, and not just autists experiencing it. But damn the embarrassment makes me want to drop through the floor.

  • over 1 year ago in reply to 🐝 Bees 🐝 (they/them) Autism resources in bio #stoptheshock #NothingAboutUsWithoutUs

    In text form on something like Discord I have a friend who doesn't see messages or is just super busy (she's a mum of 2 kids under 3 so understandable) and we have a mutual agreement that we check in after 2 weeks if we notice the other has "gone quiet" just in case it's an app error or we've benn silently getting overwhelmed and need someone to check in on us.
    And I dunno I feel like that is the most healthy social relationship I have it has clear boundaries and expectations we have already discussed, and I lament that it's awkward to try and have that similar outlining of expectations and boundaries when trying to form new friendships or a stronger aquaintance relationship.
    Or even maintain an older one after life reduces my social energy further. I had one friendship not make it because it never felt like a "2 way street" and when I tried to have the lets set up some healthy expectations she turned around and tried to act like I was a bad friend even though I was the one always checking in and trying to work on her schedule. And TLDR because this has got off-track but long story short I refused to be gaslit about my participation in the friendship and said lets mutually "just not" then. But I really did feel it acutely when that one ghosted me.

    As for ghosting on forums in particular, I dunno I guess I always assumed they asked a question, then got the answer, read it and then left.
    I mean it would be nice to get a thanks I guess but I never felt like anyone owed me a thanks when I responded off my own back because I wanted to. And if I didn't have the energy to respond then I simply wouldn't because I'm not obligated to take on others issues on top of my own. But maybe that's just me. And that's also a boundary thing, it's not that I don't care but I have learned I have to prioritise myself like that to survive some days. I also learned I don't have to take it personally if people don't respond to me, I get it, I can be a lot (so can anyone), and they have to prioritise themselves too and that's on them not me.

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  • over 1 year ago in reply to 🐝 Bees 🐝 (they/them) Autism resources in bio #stoptheshock #NothingAboutUsWithoutUs

    In text form on something like Discord I have a friend who doesn't see messages or is just super busy (she's a mum of 2 kids under 3 so understandable) and we have a mutual agreement that we check in after 2 weeks if we notice the other has "gone quiet" just in case it's an app error or we've benn silently getting overwhelmed and need someone to check in on us.
    And I dunno I feel like that is the most healthy social relationship I have it has clear boundaries and expectations we have already discussed, and I lament that it's awkward to try and have that similar outlining of expectations and boundaries when trying to form new friendships or a stronger aquaintance relationship.
    Or even maintain an older one after life reduces my social energy further. I had one friendship not make it because it never felt like a "2 way street" and when I tried to have the lets set up some healthy expectations she turned around and tried to act like I was a bad friend even though I was the one always checking in and trying to work on her schedule. And TLDR because this has got off-track but long story short I refused to be gaslit about my participation in the friendship and said lets mutually "just not" then. But I really did feel it acutely when that one ghosted me.

    As for ghosting on forums in particular, I dunno I guess I always assumed they asked a question, then got the answer, read it and then left.
    I mean it would be nice to get a thanks I guess but I never felt like anyone owed me a thanks when I responded off my own back because I wanted to. And if I didn't have the energy to respond then I simply wouldn't because I'm not obligated to take on others issues on top of my own. But maybe that's just me. And that's also a boundary thing, it's not that I don't care but I have learned I have to prioritise myself like that to survive some days. I also learned I don't have to take it personally if people don't respond to me, I get it, I can be a lot (so can anyone), and they have to prioritise themselves too and that's on them not me.

Children