Published on 12, July, 2020
I just revisited Jodie Smitten's excellent site and found this cluster of articles and info on school attendance - often an issue for parents and certainly an issue within my own family over at least 2 generations. Drilling down into the reasons can be quite emotional too. I was thinking at first that it might be more suitable for the Parents and Carers section but then, and especially after the school reports thread, I reconsidered. Reading through some of this, like thinking about my old school reports, set off quite a bit of reflection on my own schooling, much of which damaged or distorted me and influenced my behaviours for some considerable time. It's all still very much with me, in fact, like a voice in my head. I was always able to attend school myself, but I'm thinking now that the cost might have been too great. It also led to an awful lot of masking, some fairly negative behaviours and consequences for me, plus an almost neverending drive towards perfectionism and getting 10/10, no matter what I had to do to achieve it. :( And yes, although it can be a large "turning circle", I'm on to it now, with more insight, I think. :) If you feel OK to share here, how do you all feel about all of this? www.jodiesmitten.co.uk/school-attendance
School wasn't the best experience for me.
It was a massive overload every day and caused a lot of stress and anxiety, outbursts as well when it all got too much. I used to stutter terribly could hardly speak. I had shaky hands and dropped my pens, books and even my lunch which everyone found hilarious and seemed to never forget.
The teachers picked on me most of the time, made me stand up in front of everyone else and told me off when I wouldn't answer them.
Sometimes I felt like I needed to escape and breathe so would just run from class outside or to the toilets.
I didn't like the material of my school clothes either, upset my skin in a big way.
And the noise of the other people there and the bell was unbearable every day.
A totally hostile environment in which you got blamed and were expected to conform. And yes, the teachers very often exacerbated it all and were bullies on only a slightly more sophisticated level from the pupils (i.e. no actual swearing but lots of shouting, blaming and intimidation). I was always on the edge of groups and we once got our photos taken in a photo booth. Well, I wasn't happy with mine as I looked terrified and as though I was about to be sick. My friend helpfully observed that, "But you're noted for that look!" So I think I must have been in that state quite often. Then getting laughed at or ignored/marginalised due to it. And I can relate very strongly to the need to escape - I still disappeared into the relative safety of the toilets years later at work. It can take a lot to feel some distance from all of this but I do hope you are feeling more free to be yourself and tailor things as needed these days.