more fucking lectures from my teachers from college and i did phone samaritans and talked to other mental health people but now i just need to take it out of my chest . idfk why people want me to feel worse . *** i'm crying rn . i nearly attempted suicide and tomorrow i go back to glasgow and idk . it's all my fucking fault. IT'S BECAUSE of my fucking sister she threw a tantrum when my parents and her got home and yes i was home alone . also ok this is what happened . basically um , my parents left home or the hotel we're in in lonodn at 9 for appointments and arrived home guess 6pm and my sister went hyper again and throw a tantrum because my fucking parents said karma will get back to you and she nearly died , died i was worried so i talked to my friends instead of calling them and yeah also woke up with bleeding head my head bleed this morning and then i had to go call my mentor and told her what happened and changed my appointment with her actually and then after my last telephone appointment i broke down sending another dangerous email to sarah saying i'm going to do something bad not because she is stopping working and talking to me this week . guess what i wrote on the email i said i'm going to harm someone if she or my teacher calls the police and then i spoke to samaritans after i finished with sarah . in total 10 calls also emma it was the reason of her email and michael both of my lecturers emails from college which made me get suicidal and yeah now I'm crying in my bed can't sleep and thinking about death but don't want to attempt to do it like today yeah idk why this keeps happening . AT least i'm grateful my suicidal feeling aren't everyday and yes i am getting help but not the right help at the moment yeah sadly
