HOW CAN YOU REASSURE SOMEONE WHO HAS EXTREME OCD

NAS83382 said:

we are both stressed and tired

It sounds like you need some time to self-care. When was the last time you checked out and just did something which helped you feel restored? How old are your children?

NAS83382 said:

How do you help someone with OCD to stop over analizing everything you say?

This doesn't sound like OCD. This is really typical with autism though, having communication severed for being lost in translation.

My son and I have a habit of trying to be as pragmatic and intentional with language as possible. We are always looking words up. Society is such that verbal commands are too often given and humans don't connect. We obey street signs and follow social rules of polite engagement. Even "have a lovely afternoon" is a bit of a command and a social 'order'. At home, my role as the mum is to always help my son at any age continue to learn, grow, become, mature. But in order to do the one job I have for him, I have to also make sure I've sorted my self out so I can better help him. And while he does things out of kindness or certain civil duties (taking out the rubbish, occasionally cleaning, making tea), I will always feel a sort of responsibility to help him succeed. 

This to say, I can be unclear and that's not a bother. Some times I use the wrong word or can't access words very well. These thing can be incredibly complex. My father and I have a far more difficult time with translation English is our first language, but being Autistic-wired, and being undiagnosed most of my life, my father probably won't ever get a diagnosis, and he just cannot handle the frustration of miscommunication. 

Autistics experience a lifetime of being misunderstood and misrepresented. It can be a relief for our parents to at least believe the best in us even if there's a difficulty with language and communication. When it's with someone you desire a relationship with like a parent, the impact can be severe, far more so than any one else. Because if we lose a stranger, we are not impacted. But if we feel isolated or far from a parent, misunderstood or severed from them, it is heartbreaking to reconcile. There will be a far greater intensity  of emotional desire to find understanding and common ground.

yes its Autism, but OCD reigns high and anxiety.

its genetic from the father, who has also been treated with ocd. and prob on spectrum.

you seem to very much at one, and that nature feeling is good through all your comments.

glad you have a handle on your life, some of us arent as fortunate

I haven't always had a handle! It wouldn't be until my late 20's a therapist asked if I had difficulty identifying my emotions. Around the same time I finally found out I had gut issues / gluten issues. I was unable to eat much due to unknown allergies for most of my childhood. I needed help but instead my mother was always furious I was "thin". 

Mid 20's, I started taking a mushroom compound with Reishi which actually helped bring a little more of an ability to think and sorted out much of the 'brain fog'. I could barely hold down a job - I didn't get help for dyslexia or anything else. I had extreme difficulty with executive function, and I had boyfriends dump me because a poor female with bad social skills just wasn't attractive.

I had little to no help from family. I slept on couches for years and did what ever I could to make money. The small things I learned shifted my perspective on life along the way and each small shift in understanding lead to where I'm at. It would be years of of heartbreak and meltdowns, of not being understood, or worse - presumed a liar, abused, treated incredibly cruelly. But I found philosophy and even religious principles of being. I had one U2 song in my head: don't the the bast^rds grind you down. So I didn't. I wasn't going to live like this.

What I've found is that the Autistic brain, needs answers. It needs resolution. Practical wisdom and a more deep or profound reckoning to relive anxiety. Sometimes the anxiety is from the brain crossing a threshold from excitement. We need anti-Anxiety meds not anti-depressants which work differently on the brain.

The best thing I learned to do was care for myself in small but important ways. My son has not had to do the work I've had to, it's like he simply gets the crumbs from my table. He has his struggles, but with the right values, I've noticed his depression has subsided and anxiety is less often.

You're perhaps right, I think my potential - which I'm still working toward, is great. I am now determined to help Autistics who have also been overlooked, abused, who have something to offer, but need someone to say "I see you, I see what you're capable of".

It's important we have a little time each week, to reconnect with and grow into our selves. It's one of the best steps forward :) x

I haven't always had a handle! It wouldn't be until my late 20's a therapist asked if I had difficulty identifying my emotions. Around the same time I finally found out I had gut issues / gluten issues. I was unable to eat much due to unknown allergies for most of my childhood. I needed help but instead my mother was always furious I was "thin". 

Mid 20's, I started taking a mushroom compound with Reishi which actually helped bring a little more of an ability to think and sorted out much of the 'brain fog'. I could barely hold down a job - I didn't get help for dyslexia or anything else. I had extreme difficulty with executive function, and I had boyfriends dump me because a poor female with bad social skills just wasn't attractive.

I had little to no help from family. I slept on couches for years and did what ever I could to make money. The small things I learned shifted my perspective on life along the way and each small shift in understanding lead to where I'm at. It would be years of of heartbreak and meltdowns, of not being understood, or worse - presumed a liar, abused, treated incredibly cruelly. But I found philosophy and even religious principles of being. I had one U2 song in my head: don't the the bast^rds grind you down. So I didn't. I wasn't going to live like this.

What I've found is that the Autistic brain, needs answers. It needs resolution. Practical wisdom and a more deep or profound reckoning to relive anxiety. Sometimes the anxiety is from the brain crossing a threshold from excitement. We need anti-Anxiety meds not anti-depressants which work differently on the brain.

The best thing I learned to do was care for myself in small but important ways. My son has not had to do the work I've had to, it's like he simply gets the crumbs from my table. He has his struggles, but with the right values, I've noticed his depression has subsided and anxiety is less often.

You're perhaps right, I think my potential - which I'm still working toward, is great. I am now determined to help Autistics who have also been overlooked, abused, who have something to offer, but need someone to say "I see you, I see what you're capable of".

It's important we have a little time each week, to reconnect with and grow into our selves. It's one of the best steps forward :) x