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How to inform family members who maybe aren’t the most sympathetic of people?

Siany

Hi all,

I am currently going through the assessment process as an adult, and with that I’m 99% sure I’m on the spectrum. 
The issue I have is how best to try and get my nearest family members to understand, especially as it doesn’t manifest in me the same as what they perceive autism to be? (This would be after confirmation.)

I also worry that they may feel guilt in some ways and sadly my family can be quite prickly in general, so any tips or advice would be awesome. 

  • Tips:

    One at a time. 

    Start with the most sympathetic / supportive people first.  Work outwards from there.  They can be your allies to those who may be less understanding.  Aunts, Uncles, Cousins and siblings can be a good place to start.

    Give them time.

    Yes, they probably do have an idea of what Autism is based on some stereotype of a non-verbal toddler.  Their initial reactions will most likely be to dismiss it.  Give them time to take on this news.  So don't over do your explanations, give them some time to find out about it for themselves.

    Nothing has changed.

    Your family know you and have lived with you an an Autistic person from the moment you were born.  They probably have been accommodating your autism without realising it.  You've got a name and explanation and this will seem like a really big deal to you, but to them they will have accepted you all along.  So don't expect them to treat you differently, many adults expect sympathy and changes, but this doesn't usually happen.

  • They need to be educated as to what autism really is understood to be these days. There are some good resources for that, depending on what they would be willing to consume. I think some have mentioned a TV program which was good, but I don't recall what it was now and no idea if it is still available. There are youtube videos and books, but not everyone will read a whole book. But if you got a book and showed them just a few pages it might help? You'll have to ask others which resources they recommend or search the back posts on this site.

    They also need to know there is no real call for guilt. Certainly it is not their fault you have autism! Some people seem to be under that delusion, but it is genetic and brain wiring, not caused by anything, it's more like eye colour, it's just how you are. If you mean guilt for not treating you in a more sympathetic way then that is more valid, just that the things were not known until recently so how could they have known? Although it doesn't sound as likely that this was the type of guilt you meant f they are generally prickly!

  • If they're not sympathetic people, why are you in contact with them at all?