Published on 12, July, 2020
Sometimes, and for no particular reason, I say something out loud. I’m not sure if this is some sort of manifestation of Tourette’s, it isn’t usually anything obscene, I sometimes surprise myself and am left wondering why I said it as it seems to have no relevance to anything. I also count under my breath as I’m walking, sometimes people hear me mumbling and I’m immediately embarrassed. I’ve always done this, but only recently come to the conclusion that it might be an autistic thing…anybody else do this weird stuff?
I basically do all the things described here, so I have more than a single anecdote, I have been there and got the T-shirt. I have imaginary conversations with either a specific person or a general listener all the time. I have mild asperger's so as you would expect this manifested itself in public when I was a child and the autism was obvious (by today's standards, took them all of primary school to diagnose). I had imaginary worlds that I would act out in my mind. This transistioned into me having imaginary conversations with my self whenever my subconscience thinks Im alone, which isn't entirely reliable. But what you are talking about is the tourrettes like random utterences. These are the same in that my semi-conscious brain is largely successful in controlling this around others. But this is the extent of my control. I can't not have the imaginary conversations. It's a compulsion that is the only real reason that I don't work. It is what I end up doing when I'm on my own, and is so diffcult to concentrate that I am not productive enough to really ever get around to be back in full time work since I got depressed and first stopped looking for work 14 years ago.So consider me the expert on the airing thoughts out loud Most Autistic people are further into the spectrum and maybe do work but have other symptons that seriously effect them and are not just difficulties that they can get over with the help of their friends, but for me it is the ONE THING. So this is why I'm here. Trying to find a way to be a functioning adult! Back to the tourettesy words. I have a very strong personality, every order or reprimand Iv ever recieved from a superior has always goine through the 'do I agree' filter, even orders given me in the army always go through this basic process. So when teachers told me off and I thought they were being unfair I started to say basically random numbers as I calculated in my mind how fair they were being. Being a bit random in the conversation can be what I do when I'm not sure how I feel about how the other person is being and feel pressured and think they should back off and give me space. In truth I don't know when it started, but this is the EXACT ANSWER TO WHY I DO IT: I say a random sentence in responce to a memory that makes me cringe. What's really weird about memory cringes is that they are not even logical. Starting from the following night whilst you are in your bed one get;s irratkionally cringy about what you remember saying. It is a weird neuro-typical phenomenon that a have a tourettes response to. Yes, my singing is also often involutary (me only able to notice and stop it at some point after I've started), but at least that is more neoro-typical and understandable as it is a tune that is in your head.
I know that feeling.