Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm just watching this Yo Samdy Sam video and already noticing (in spite of her posh, private school education - privilege alert!) that many of the teachers' observations are almost exaclty the same as on my own. Almost eerily, in fact, although I went to a very rough comprehensive in the North East of England. My reports were, on the face of it, rather good, but there are some little asides which indicate constant high levels of anxiety combined with my supposed "giftedness" (I was actually terrified into appearing "gifted", I now think). When I look back, I'm getting more of a feeling of, "My goodness - what did they do to me?" Very interesting, I think, And I'll probably reflect some more on this as I watch the rest. My "giftedness" didn't exactly carry over into most of the workplaces I got myself trapped in and I then experienced decades of anxiety and fairly poor mental health. So... and if you care to share, how was it for you? www.youtube.com/watch
Thanks to my little mask which I had practically glued to my face (hypothetically speaking) I actually did extremely well at school. I mixed with some of the girls, studied hard and got mostly good grades and teachers were pleased except for my PE teacher who disliked me straight away. It led to (issues) in my final years at school depression and anxiety crept in, almost overnight but I still managed to finish schooling before it really got to me. So my school years and results were untarnished and to the untrained eye, more less, perfect.
Deleted user said:untarnished and to the untrained eye, more less, perfect.
So many untrained eyes about, unfortunately. I masked quite a lot too and yes, it can push you further and further into anxiety. I ended up feeling as though I just couldn't let the "perfect" mask slip in so many situations and the effort involved certainly took its toll.