School reports - how were yours?

I got "doing very well, but needs to contribute more in class" from pretty much every teacher.

Yes, the "needs to speak up in class" is a recurring theme in my reports.  Then, 30 years later, in those of my sons.  No thought given as to why we weren't speaking up.  :(

I would have liked some guidance as to *how* to contribute in class, or how to communicate more generally beyond "well you've just got to do it... you've a tongue in your head, haven't you?"

I spent my whole childhood being told I was (a) very intelligent and (b) too quiet. I couldn't figure out how on earth to fix (b) so I leaned into (a) hoping that would somehow compensate. Got the best A level results in the history of my grammar school. Struggled through uni but still did well on final exams. Crashed and burned after graduation due to not being able to have successful interactions with others and have achieved very little since.

This was all accidental really, as due to a long term condition I discovered later in life, I found myself running a helpline from home,intending to just answer routine calls and send out information packs.  In fact I got people calling me in floods of tears and feeling inadequate and unqualified to deal with this situation.  So I found this entry level interpersonal skills course at my local college, just around the corner and, given that it was just an evening a week for just a few weeks, I thought that I'd give it a go.  I also told myself that I could just leave at any time if I wanted to as it was, at that time, heavily subsidised and didn't cost much at all.  

Then,from the very start, I realised that this was much more like psychology, in which I was already enormously interested, and with the bonus of being experiential and within a very safe environment, which I'd needed all along!  I also got really positive feedback, not just about my work (perfectionist as usual!) but about the personal qualities I was bringing to the skills practice.  And this felt weird but very welcome as I was failing as an accountant at the time and all the "feedback" (for which read soul-destroying criticism) I was getting there was very different.  

So there I was, actively learning about empathy, genuineness and unconditional positive regard, not just through some fun written activities (which included some fairly arty stuff) but also through class interactions on a 1:1, small group and whole group basis, with the group agreeing on their own rules for safe interactions in advance and a "no explanation needed" option to refrain from any particular task.  It seemed to combine the best primary school activities with psychological insights and positive personal guidance.  Where had this been all my life?  

So, although I wouldn't suggest that autistic people specifically need social skills training, I do believe that this is something that is lacking in general education for everyone and, if a similar course can be found that isn't too much of an initial committment, it might be worth giving it a go.  I honestly only started by tentatively dipping my toe in, then I felt so sad when the course was ending that I decided, along with a group of others from the Level 1, to go straight to the Level 2.  And I didn't anticipate doing that at all.           

This was all accidental really, as due to a long term condition I discovered later in life, I found myself running a helpline from home,intending to just answer routine calls and send out information packs.  In fact I got people calling me in floods of tears and feeling inadequate and unqualified to deal with this situation.  So I found this entry level interpersonal skills course at my local college, just around the corner and, given that it was just an evening a week for just a few weeks, I thought that I'd give it a go.  I also told myself that I could just leave at any time if I wanted to as it was, at that time, heavily subsidised and didn't cost much at all.  

Then,from the very start, I realised that this was much more like psychology, in which I was already enormously interested, and with the bonus of being experiential and within a very safe environment, which I'd needed all along!  I also got really positive feedback, not just about my work (perfectionist as usual!) but about the personal qualities I was bringing to the skills practice.  And this felt weird but very welcome as I was failing as an accountant at the time and all the "feedback" (for which read soul-destroying criticism) I was getting there was very different.  

So there I was, actively learning about empathy, genuineness and unconditional positive regard, not just through some fun written activities (which included some fairly arty stuff) but also through class interactions on a 1:1, small group and whole group basis, with the group agreeing on their own rules for safe interactions in advance and a "no explanation needed" option to refrain from any particular task.  It seemed to combine the best primary school activities with psychological insights and positive personal guidance.  Where had this been all my life?  

So, although I wouldn't suggest that autistic people specifically need social skills training, I do believe that this is something that is lacking in general education for everyone and, if a similar course can be found that isn't too much of an initial committment, it might be worth giving it a go.  I honestly only started by tentatively dipping my toe in, then I felt so sad when the course was ending that I decided, along with a group of others from the Level 1, to go straight to the Level 2.  And I didn't anticipate doing that at all.